You Asked: Is It Safe For Me to Leave Him?


Dear Sugar,

I'm in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend of three years and I'm not happy. He's older than I am, has a low-paying job at a grocery store, lives at home with his parents, and plays video games all night long. I'm still with him because I know how much he loves me and I'm all he has. I feel like if I were to break up with him, he'd harm himself or even end his own life. I know this because he's had suicidal problems before he met me. I feel trapped and he's got marriage on his mind for the future. What should I do?
—Cornered Casey

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Dear Cornered Casey,

Since you're so unhappy in this relationship but haven't left him yet, I'm concerned that this is a co-dependent relationship. Have you talked to him about the way you feel? Has your boyfriend ever threatened to commit suicide before, or are you just scared about the possibility that he will? Relationships are supposed to be based on love and respect for one another, so if you're unhappy and feeling stuck or guilty for something that he might do, it's time to make a move.

I understand that it feels good to be loved and the thought of being alone can be really scary, but look at how alone you are now in this relationship? Since he lives at home with his parents, I recommend you talk to them and make sure they are aware of the situation before you do anything, just in case. Since he's thinking about marriage and you're trying to find a way out, it's clear that you aren't on the same page. Staying for the wrong reasons will just cause more pain down the road, so follow your gut instincts and do what's going to make you happy. I wish you both luck.

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