You Asked: Is This Relationship a Lost Cause?


Dear Sugar,

I'm at my wit's end. I had this boyfriend when I was a kid, 13 to 17 years old. He hurt me deeply and is a very unstable person but he always remained a special person in my thoughts and memories. We have grown up to be very different people and would never be a couple again. The problem is I have been seeing his brother for the past eight months who I'm totally crazy about. He appears to be everything I'm looking for, minus the family drama of course.

My ex found out that we're seeing each other and he completely lost his mind and is totally heartbroken. Since then, the brother and I secretly see each other on occasion, but he is very standoffish because he doesn't want to hurt his brother, which I understand. I've tried to break things off with him, since there seems little potential for a future with us, but he still calls and pulls me while still keeping me at an arm's length. I hate being toyed with. I get filled with emotions and hope, only to be frustrated, disappointed and unsatisfied. I know he has feelings for me and if it weren't for his brother we would be together so how should I approach this? Give him an ultimatum? Turn my back on this whole thing? Be a bit more aggressive? —
Help Me Get What I Want Wendy

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Dear Help Me Get What I Want Wendy,

This is a tough situation. Of course, you don't want to get between two brothers, but if you truly feel that there's a connection, you can't deny your feelings. In hindsight I wish you and the brother had been upfront and honest with your ex from the get go because I'm sure a lot of his anger is coming from feeling betrayed, and quite frankly, I don't blame him.

So what to do now? Well, I would stop seeing the brother until he decides what he wants to do with your relationship. It's not fair for him to play games with your emotions so stand your ground Wendy. As much as you want to be with him, don't let him push you around. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, it's going to be his decision so hang tight and hope for the best. Good luck.

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