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You Asked: Is It Really Too Late?


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I broke up but we still have to live together for another month while I get my finances in order and find a new apartment. We actually have been getting along better than we did before the break up, which is making it a lot harder for me to accept that it's really over. We are still intimate as well, which I know isn't a good idea, but we have a major connection and still really love each other.

Our story is this: We're both in our late 20s, dated for two years, and are both still struggling with money and our careers. He is an independent filmmaker who doesn't make much money, but really cares about his art. I lost my public relations job over the Summer and I took a much lower paying job this Winter, which I love but it barely pays the bills. Needless to say we have a lot of financial problems, and I was feeling like he was always putting his career before me. I also really wanted a commitment from him — not a proposal, but a commitment toward a future together and he couldn't give it to me. Why are guys always so afraid of commitment? And how do we get through this break up while we are still living together? We are obviously both still in love, so it's really hard on both sides.
— Stuck in a Bind Betsy

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear Stuck in a Bind Betsy,

It sounds like you aren't ready to break up, so have you both talked about the possibility of giving your relationship another shot? If that's not an option, I advise you to move out of the apartment ASAP. I understand that you're in a sticky financial situation right now, but going through the motions like nothing's changed is just going to make this process harder on the both of you. Do you have any friends or family members that you can stay with until you find another place? Does he?

Sure, men are very different when it comes to commitment, but if he saw a future with you, he'd be able to tell you so. I don't doubt that you still care very deeply for one another, but if you can't get what you want from him, you've got to put yourself first. There really is no way to get through this break when you're still very much together so if I were you, I'd sever your ties with him so you can find that level of devotion with someone else. I wish you luck.

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