You Asked: Our Age Difference is Creating Problems
Dear Sugar--
At 35, I am 8 years older than my husband. Every now and then, someone will make a remark about our age difference. So far, the worst I heard was "you're too old for him, he should be with a better woman" and my mother-in-law's friend, who relocated to our community said, "she's not good enough for him."
The second comment caused a riff in my relationship when I told my husband that I wasn't comfortable with his mother's friends in our home after their snide remarks. His response was, "don't stress it," and later, "I can see there's going to be a problem." Well DearSugar, of course there is a problem!! The woman's remarks rankled me, but my husband's comments did much worse because he doesn't see these comments as meddling, insulting and hurtful. I am considering telling him that he ignores my feelings, that I don't see much left for us. It is really ripping me up inside and i think I am right. Any advice most welcome. --Robbing the Cradle Rebbecca
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Dear Robbing the Cradle Rebbecca--
People are really finicky about age and relationships, I know, I have been there. Regardless of outside influences, the only thing that should matter is your happiness. Technically, age is just a number, and if it doesn't bother you, it shouldn't bother anyone else. With that said, I don't blame you for being upset by your husband's family and friends' snide comments, but it sounds like there could be a deeper problem here.
Your husband is clearly trying to avoid confrontation, but why do you think he is disregarding your hurt feelings and these insensitive words? Has your age difference always been a sensitive subject? Relationships are built on love and support, so if your husband is incapable of standing up for you and your commitment to one other, I think you have a right to second guess your future with this man.
Although you have expressed your anger to your husband, he clearly isn't hearing how hurt you really are. Let him know that you expect his support, regardless of the issue, no matter what. You are the best judge of your own feelings and life choices, so if you feel this relationship is lacking the emotional reinforcement you need from a partner, you might need to cut your losses and find a man who will give you what you need and deserve.
