You Asked: My Husband Just Wants to See His Friends


Dear Sugar,

Seven years ago I agreed to relocate our family from Michigan to Texas because we couldn't take Michigan weather any longer. My husband wanted to move to Texas where his company's headquarters are. My biggest concern with the move was that I'd have to make all new friends and he'd always be with his single guy friends.

Everything has been going pretty well I must say, but my husband has started a habit of stopping by the bar with his friends on his way home from work on Friday nights. He always invites me to join them, but sitting at the bar talking work and sports just isn't my idea of fun. He's usually there from 4:30 - 7:00 p.m., meanwhile I'm home either fixing dinner for the kids, or for myself because the kids are now teenagers and have their own lives. I do have girlfriends that I go out with, but I make sure to do it on a weeknight — I feel that he should give me the same respect — weekends should be family time.

I'm hurt that at the end of his week, his priority is going out with his guy friends instead of coming home to me. I really don't know if I am blowing this out of proportion, after all, it isn't like he stays out all night, it's just that I look forward to Friday nights, too, and I don't want to start my weekend alone. I have suggested he pick a different night, and his response is that his friends don't like to go out during the week. This has caused many fights in our household. Do you have advice for me?

— Waiting at Home Heather

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Dear Waiting at Home Heather,

I'm sorry that this is causing you such pain. I don't think it's strange to hope that your husband will share your same priorities, but I do think that it's important to recognize that just because he values his Friday nights with his friends, it doesn't mean he doesn't value the weekend with you and your children. As with most issues like this, I think compromise is the best solution.

I'd ask your husband if he'd be willing to just go out every other week with the boys, and plan something for the two of you on those nights when he's home. For the other Fridays when he's out, you might want to think about planning more gatherings with your girlfriends, give into some weekend fun of your own! When they're not available, curl up with a movie you've been wanting to watch and a glass of wine to pass the time until your husband gets home. I'd even suggest that you meet him and his friends at the bar every once and a while to show your support and set an example of give and take. It sounds like this is something a little communication will take care of. Good luck!

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