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You Asked: My Husband Cheated and Had a Secret Child

Dear Sugar,


I just found out a secret that my husband of eight years has been keeping from me. He's the father of my three girls, (ages 11, seven, and seven months) and he just told me that he has a 2-year-old daughter, which means he cheated on me while we were married.

I can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done differently to prevent him from wanting to be with someone else. I know it wasn't my fault, and that what he did was wrong, but I still love my husband and want to work things out. Am I making the wrong choice?

— Betrayed and Broken-Hearted Brittany

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Dear Betrayed and Broken-Hearted Brittany,

I'm glad you said that this affair wasn't your fault, but I'm not sure you truly believe that. If you did, you wouldn't be wondering what you could have done to prevent him from cheating. He was the one who made the horrible choice to sleep with someone else. By doing that, he disrespected you, your family, and he betrayed your trust. This had nothing to do with you. If he was unhappy in the marriage, then he should have talked to you about it instead of going behind your back and having an affair.

I know you want this marriage to work, but in order for that to happen, you're going to need to find a way to forgive him so you're not always worried that he'll cheat again. The bottom line here is that you can't trust him right now and trust is one of the qualities that is a must in a relationship. With that said, are you sure that he's no longer sleeping with this other woman? Are you sure he hasn't had any other affairs, or more children with other women?

Only you can know if you are making the right decision or not. I know your heart is telling you to stay with him, but what is your voice of reason saying? Remember that you are in charge of the well-being of your three children, so think about what kind of a man you want in their lives. With them in mind, I know you'll make the right decision. Good luck.

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