You Asked: My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Fat

Dear Sugar,

I entered a relationship with my current boyfriend while I was recovering from a long-term eating disorder. I never really went into detail with him, but I did tell him I was gaining weight to be healthier. I went from 80 pounds at five feet, one inch at the very beginning of our relationship to 92 pounds now. He never said anything negative about the gain — he actually said I was looking better. But earlier this week, we were in the shower together and he told me I would look better if I lost a couple of pounds.

I was incredibly hurt and could hardly speak to him for a while. I eventually explained my situation and told him that losing weight would be dangerous to my health (I gave myself a heart condition). He took what he said back and told me not to lose any weight and told me that he loves me the way I am, but I can't help but realize he's just putting aside his initial reaction to make sure I don't hurt myself. How do I handle this? — Healthy Weight Heidi

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Dear Healthy Weight Heidi,

Let me first say that you're doing the right thing for your body by gaining the weight and living a healthier lifestyle — I don't need to tell you how much long-term damage you could do by succumbing to an eating disorder. I also commend you for being honest with your boyfriend. I know it must have been hard to open up about such a personal issue.

With that said, I think the only way to move on from your boyfriend's statement is to talk it out with someone. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him, confide in a girlfriend, your family, or a therapist. Confidence plays a huge role in eating disorders so it's important not to let him make you feel insecure — I'm sure you look amazing just the way you are!

We all say things we don't mean sometimes and I know the damage has already been done, but if you hold on to his hurtful words, it'll just make things worse. Decide if you want to forgive him, and talk about your concerns with your loved ones. An eating disorder won't go away overnight, so lean on your loved ones for support and keep well.

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