My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we just moved in together. We get along perfectly, except I am messy and he is super neat. It's driving me crazy because I always feel like he is nagging me to clean up, and we keep getting into fights about it. He says that we are adults and a messy house is unacceptable. He also said that being messy is a character flaw!
When we both get home from work he tells me to do the dishes, vacuum the carpet and mop the kitchen floor. I know I tend to be messier, but it shouldn't be my job to clean up the entire house. I told him "the 1950's called and they want their idea back!"
I've tried talking to him calmly about this, but every time I do, he says that since I make most of the mess, I should be the one to clean the house. Sure I leave my clothes and other things around, but he's acting like I run around making messes all over the house. I'm not the only one who uses the dishes and tracks mud on the kitchen floor! I'm just shocked that he's being like this. Any suggestions?
-- Messy Melissa
To hear DEARSUGAR's answer read more
Dear Messy Melissa--
Well I am just shocked too! Even though you are messy and he is neat, there's no way he should be ordering you around to clean up the house that you both use!
There's got to be some kind of a compromise you can reach here. Maybe you guys can spend one weekend working together to make your place neat and clean so you have a fresh slate to work with. Unfortunately it won't stay that way forever, so perhaps you can make a schedule of house chores so you don't feel like you are doing everything. It might be a good idea too to have a designated area in your home that is just for you and your stuff, so you can be messy there and he can't tell you to clean it up. Have you also thought about hiring a housekeeper? That could be an easy way to stop the fighting.
Aside from this neatness issue, I'm a bit concerned at the way he is speaking to you. Relationships are all about respecting each other, and if he continues to talk to you like he's in charge, then he's not seeing you as an equal and that is not okay! If he keeps up his "orders" to you, I'd say it's time to find someone who will respect you for you, and embrace all you have to offer, messiness included! Good luck Melissa!