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You Asked: My Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Marry Me

You Asked: My Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Marry Me

Dear Sugar,


I asked my boyfriend of four years if we could get married and he said no. He said he wants our relationship to be perfect, but no relationship is perfect!

I want to feel like he wants to be with me, and getting married would prove just that. As it is, we have sex once every two weeks and I'm beginning to feel like he's just not that into me anymore. Recently I surprised him, came downstairs in only my bra and panties, and he told me to move out of the way of the TV while he was playing video games.

Does it seem like I'm just being a nag or is he just being unfair? All I ever wanted from him was to have the American dream. He gave me a promise ring but I want an engagement ring. I want something that lets me know he thinks I'm special enough to spend the rest of his life with. I know for a fact with all my heart that he is my one true love. What should I say to him? How should I explain to him how I feel about this? Am I asking too much or what?

—Ready for Marriage Mandy

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Dear Ready for Marriage Mandy,

You are right that no relationship is perfect, and waiting for perfection could take a lifetime. When you're with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you both get a special feeling, and you just know that it's right. You're either ready for that or you're not, and it sounds like he's just not ready, so you need to ask him why.

It's also extremely important to get married for the right reasons. An engagement won't necessarily act as a proof of how special you are to him — he needs to show you that. Believe me when I say that marriage will not fix the issues in your relationship or prove that he wants you. Marriage won't change him or your relationship. It's a little piece of paper that you sign and it won't magically make someone act the way you want him to.

You've got to tell him that you need more from this relationship. Tell him that you feel like he's not showing you the love and affection that you deserve. Explain that you are in love and ready to take this relationship to the next level, but tell him why. Find out what he wishes was different and ask him if he thinks he'll ever want to get engaged. Many people have issues with marriage, so make sure you're on the same page. The only way you're going to know what your future holds is if you have an open and honest conversation about this. Good luck Mandy.

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