You Asked: Is This Just a Fling?


Dear Sugar,

Recently, I had a new employee hired under me; he's friends with my boss. At first he was just a flirt, but as time went on my attraction grew, and before I knew it we kissed one day, and it was like fireworks went off. After that kiss, we began talking every day, texting, and emailing, and then eventually sleeping together. We have the greatest chemistry and when we're together, I just melt! It's been about five months and we have had sex repeatedly. Sometimes I cook dinner and he will come over or sometimes we just cuddle and relax on the sofa without any intimacy.

We are compatible and I've grown to really like him, but I am beginning to think he is either losing interest or possibly dating someone else as my strong feelings are not being reciprocated as I'd like. We usually have sex at least once a week; however, it's been about a month and a half since the last time. I don't see him much any more outside of work. He doesn't come by my place nor do we go out anywhere. On the weekends he always has an excuse for not being able to do anything . . .

I have asked him if he was seeing someone and he says no. But why else would he be pulling away? The crazy thing is, in the office, he acts like everything is OK, showering me with attention throughout the day. So why the sudden changes? What should I do?

— Office Love Laura

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Office Love Laura,

These are the perils of a work relationship. It sounds as though your co-worker is trying to break up without formally ending your relationship as that might cause drama in the workplace. Essentially, it doesn't matter why he's doing it — another person, disinterest, or sudden concerns of work-related issues — only that he's giving you the cues that from his end, it's over. I would guess that his nice behavior in the office is an attempt to keep things friendly between you two.

It's frustrating and, I'm sure, disappointing. Although it might seem satisfying to continue to confront him until you get an answer, I think from a professional standpoint it's far better to just back off and mentally put an end to things. It may be a challenge, but it's important that you don't let this relationship interfere with your job. And if he comes around again, certainly use caution.

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