You Asked: I'm So Paranoid

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for over a year. We have a sturdy relationship except that I'm very insecure about a particular ex of his. When we first got together, they were still friends and he flirted a little with her when he saw her. Since then, he's managed to practically tell me everything about her: how much she pays in rent, her car payment, and many other details that only someone very close to her would know. Every time we're out in public I can't help but notice that he constantly seems to be looking around as if he's waiting for her to walk in.

I used to not be so paranoid! What is wrong with me? This is driving me emotionally crazy. I can't talk to him about any of this because he tells me I'm acting totally irrationally. What can I do?

— Insecure Ingrid

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Dear Insecure Ingrid,

Regardless of whether or not you're just being paranoid, the fact is that you're having a difficult time coping and that alone requires deeper digging. First of all, your husband needs to address your concerns rather than just accuse you of being irrational. Something about his relationship with his ex is negatively affecting you so much that it's damaging your relationship — it should be an easy task for him to simply stop mentioning the details about her life.

As far as what you can do on your own, try not to assume the worst — don't let paranoia turn a simple glance into something more than innocent. If you can work on toning down your suspicions, it will give you the opportunity to listen to your gut — our instincts are the most valuable tool in a relationship if we can just learn how to trust them. If you're still convinced something is going on or if your husband refuses to acknowledge your worries then I would seriously consider seeking the help of a therapist before things get out of hand. Talking it out with a professional may help to reveal specifically where your insecurities are coming from and let you see the whole picture more clearly.

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