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You Asked: I'm Homesick; Should I Move Back?

You Asked: I'm Homesick; Should I Move Back?

Dear Sugar,

I know most people write in and ask if they should move to be with their boyfriends; well I did, but now I'm having second thoughts. I lived in Indiana and moved to Arizona to be with my boyfriend. We were together a year long-distance before I moved. I love him, he treats me well and he is a great guy, but I am so homesick! I miss my family and friends terribly. I talk to him about moving back home, but he would never go back with me — he is from Indiana as well. It is wrong of me to think that he doesn't love me as much as I think he should because he wouldn't move back with me? We talk about marriage, and I want to be with him, but I'm just not happy here. Please help! — Homesick Hannah


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Dear Homesick Hannah,

Picking up and moving across the country is a huge adjustment, so try not to be too hard on yourself for being homesick — I think anyone in your position would feel the same way, including myself. Since I don't know how long you've been there, I can only give you general advice. First off, if you don't have a job, get one. Having a purpose there will help you become more acclimated. You also need to give yourself time to adapt to your new surroundings: join a gym, find your new favorite sandwich shop, get to know your neighbors, etc. Once you've established a new routine, making friends will become a lot easier.

It sounds to me like you really love your boyfriend, but just because he doesn't share your same desire to live in Indiana, it doesn't mean he loves you any less. With that said, he should be sensitive of your unhappiness right now and willing to do his part to build a life together in Arizona, so if he's not in this with you, something has got to change. Keeping the lines of communication open is going to be crucial while you make this transition, but after giving it some time, if things still don't feel right, you need to do what's going to make you happy — with or without your boyfriend. This process won't happen overnight, so if you can tough it out for a little bit longer, hopefully all the pieces will fall into place. If not, I'm sure your friends and family will welcome you back home with open arms and you can at least know that you tried.

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