You Asked: I'm Fantasizing About My Ex

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating the most amazing guy for almost a year now. We are compatible on every level and our sex life is wonderful. Things are going so well that we plan to move in together at the end of the Summer and are considering marriage in the future. The only problem is I can't stop fantasizing about a guy I used to see off and on. He was out of the picture for a while but now he's back. He's not at all stable boyfriend material, but we have the most intense conversations.

I know intellectually that my boyfriend is "Mr. Right" and that this guy is "Mr. Wrong," but why do I feel so incredibly attracted to him when I see him? I am not a cheater — so that's not the issue. I just want to know why I feel this way and whether it's a sign that something isn't quite right between me and my current guy. Or am I just afraid of commitment?

— Hooked on Mr. Wrong Mandy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Hooked on Mr. Wrong Mandy,

If you know your ex is trouble and you recognize that your attraction to him is potentially harming your current relationship, then I can't help but wonder why you continue to see him or participate in "intimate conversations" with him. While I can't say if it's a fear of commitment or a mismatch with your boyfriend that's causing these fantasies, one thing I do know is that you can't continue to have a close relationship with both.

It's time to cut off all ties with your ex for good and focus your energy back into your current relationship. If you continue to carry deep feelings for your ex or anyone else then I would take some time before moving in with your guy to determine if you are in fact ready to make that commitment. Even if you and your boyfriend are compatible on every level, it's possible that the deeper attraction and connection just isn't there. But you'll never know if you don't put your ex out of your mind and find out for yourself.

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