You Asked: I Think Porn Is Disgusting, But He Likes it


Dear Sugar,
Four months ago when my live-in boyfriend was out of town, I discovered that he had downloaded multiple videos of porn and has received numerous pictures of naked women from his male friends via email. I confronted him about it, and he sees nothing wrong with it. He said that he'd stop looking at them, but I know for a fact he's lying.

I have serious issues with pornography as an industry, and on principle alone I find porn disgusting. A person looking at videos of people having sex is something that is not acceptable to me. I am so upset that I'm ready to walk away. Am I completely wrong?

— Disgusted Deb

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Dear Disgusted Deb,

Although some people take issue with porn, it is still very much a part of our society and is something that many men (and women) enjoy. Though you may find it revolting, having a boyfriend with a propensity to watch porn is not abnormal. As long as it's not interfering in a relationship, I don't think there's anything automatically wrong with it. But obviously, in this case, your feelings about porn make this a significant problem.

I'm glad to hear that you've talked to your boyfriend, and though it's disappointing that he lied to you about stopping, it's not all too surprising — I'd guess he's trying to avoid another argument. Next time, instead of confronting him, try simply revealing more of your feelings surrounding porn. Perhaps the more open the issue becomes, the less threatening you might find it to be. Otherwise, if you continue to feel as you do then only you can decide if staying in your relationship is worth it, but definitely give communication a try first.

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