You Asked: I Slept With My Roommate, Now What?


Dear Sugar,

I broke the cardinal rule of hooking up with my roommate. We have this amazing chemistry so it was bound to happen sooner than later. I'm fairly new to the city and he's become my closest friend and confidant. Right after we hooked up, we decided to try a real relationship, but it fizzled pretty quickly. He turned out to be really immature and a little too needy for my liking. The problem is we're still living together and while we've only had sex once since we "broke up," he'll still pull me into bed with him in the mornings, or I'll get lonely and insecure and go and cuddle with him.

I have a track record of falling for guys too easily and while he's happily moving on with his life, I'm still hung up on him! My usual solution is to make a clean break — no calls, no emails, no contact at all but we live together and I'd really rather not move out. How do I get over him? And how do I convince him that the cuddling in bed is inappropriate when I'm finding it so hard to give up myself? This is all so complicated. Please help!
—We Crossed the Line Carrie

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Dear We Crossed the Line Carrie,

Seems like you really got yourself into a jam here. Although you don't want to move, the easiest way to put this situation behind you is to find a new apartment. If that's absolutely out of the question, you need to put an end to your early morning cuddling ASAP. Sure, it's easy to snuggle up with him when you're feeling lonely, but doing that will only make you more lonely in the long run. I'm a big advocate of out if sight out of mind so get yourself out there and meet people. Just because you're new to the city doesn't mean you need to stay home all the time — go to the gym, read at a coffee shop, explore your new city, and get involved in your community. Not only will doing those things help you get your mind off your roommate situation, but you'll increase the chances of meeting someone else.

The next time you're tempted to fall back into your routine, remember why your relationship didn't work out — he was too immature and needy for your liking. At the end of the day, it's your decision but if you stay strong and don't give into the convenience of having a warm body in the room next to you, I promise you'll be better off in the long run. Good luck.

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