You Asked: I Slept With His Twin

Dear Sugar,

I've been talking to this guy for a year now, but he is not officially my boyfriend. I love him and care for him and he feels the same for me. We go out and spend a lot of quality time together. He has a twin, and I see him a lot since we spend a lot of time at family gatherings.


Last weekend his twin and I went to a bar and had some drinks. That following week we spent a lot of time chatting over the internet and to cut to the chase, this weekend we ended up sleeping together. We promised not to tell his brother, but I fear that at one point it could slip out. Should I tell his brother who I deeply love? Or should I keep it as our little secret?

— Confused and Torn Tara

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Dear Confused and Torn Tara,

Since you are not officially dating or committed to either brother, then you didn't technically do anything wrong like cheat. However, when the first brother finds out, I'm sure he'll feel hurt and betrayed. You said that you love and care for the brother that you didn't sleep with, so I'm wondering if you feel that what happened was really a mistake, or if deep down you're really in love with him.

This is a really sticky situation because now that both brothers are involved, when you choose one of them (and you will need to choose), the other brother's feelings will definitely be hurt. Plus family gatherings are going to be very awkward since everyone will know what's going on.

As difficult as it may be, you can't keep this a secret. Be honest and talk to each brother individually. Telling the truth is the right thing to do here but realize that you could end up alone after everything is said and done. There are going to be hurt feelings all the way around so try to be understanding of everyone's reaction. I hope everything works out, Tara.

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