You Asked: I Keep Sabotaging My Relationship


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Most of that year has been spent in petty arguments that I have created. I love him very much and we are great together when we aren't fighting. I have promised to change things many times, but I just can't, even though I desperately want to. I'm afraid I've damaged things too much. I just want to show him that I can treat him well and that this relationship means the world to me. — Wanting to Change Chanel

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Dear Wanting to Change Chanel,

The fact that you're aware that you're the cause of these arguments, yet you still start them, leads me to believe there is a whole lot more going on here. Are you rocking the boat to get attention from your boyfriend? Are you doing it because you like making up with him? If there really is no good reason, I advise you to try harder to put a stop to them because if you don't, you just might push him to the breaking point.

The only way he'll know how much you care is by you showing him and putting forth the effort to change. Tell him how much you love him, and do whatever you can to avoid those petty arguments. If you need help figuring out why you pick these fights, I suggest talking to a therapist, as there could be some deep-rooted issues going on that you're completely unaware of which are manifesting through these fights. Additionally, keep the lines of communication open with your boyfriend. The more you talk through any issues that come up, the less likely an argument will ensue. Breaking a pattern isn't easy, and it won't happen overnight, but hopefully he'll see that you're trying and in time, things will fall into place. Good luck.

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