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You Asked: I Have Feelings for my Best Friend

Dear Sugar

I am in my 3rd year of medical school. On one of the first days of getting to school, I met a guy who was very nice, shy and geeky. He just came right up to me and said I looked normal and we became very close friends, studying together, watching movies, hanging out in school, etc. I was in a relationship that was very bad, and he was always there for me, although he did not like my boyfriend at the time. He expressed his dislike often and it was very hard on him to watch me continue my relationship, which I now realize.


While I was still with my boyfriend, he would always tell me he thought my buddy had feelings for me. I ignored his accusations, but then slowly started to see the signs; in fact they were quite obvious. Towards the end of my relationship, I developed feelings for him as well. I found myself wanting to see him and be with him, and every time I wasn't with him, I was very distracted. I tried to block this out of my head, because I would never want to lose our friendship. That was 7 months ago, and these feelings have come back, and really bad. I have dated people, which he has known about, and I have tried to fight this, but it wont go away.

To make matters more difficult, we are of different cultural backgrounds and while my culture and parents wouldn't mind us being together, his would. This only adds to my problem, because I know this makes it even more impossible for me to even hope of one day being together. I feel like to be his friend I need to respect this aspect of his life, at the cost of my feelings. It has gotten to the point where I am losing sleep and am at a total loss, please help! --Tongue Tied Tanya

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Tongue Tied Tanya--
Ok, while you are preparing yourself for the worst case scenario, I think you would be doing yourself a great disservice if you continued to fight your feelings. It sounds as though you have a real connection with this guy and from what you have told me, it is pretty obvious he feels the same way about you. With that said, make sure your feelings are just, as we oftentimes mistake love with loneliness.

Keeping silent is clearly eating you up inside. Fear of the unknown is usually worse than taking the risk so I think you should tell him how you feel. Since you are bound to catch him off guard, make sure you talk to him in a setting where you both feel comfortable. Be yourself and be honest. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Let him know how concerned you have been about potentially changing your friendship, but at the same time, express that it has gotten too difficult to suppress your feelings any longer.

Many couples overcome obstacles far worse than cultural differences, and while it may seem like a no win situation, if your bond is strong enough, I have faith you can overcome anything. Good luck-- this could be a great new chapter in your relationship!

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