During my husband's first marriage, he had a long-distance (but full-on sexual) affair with a married woman. After we were married, I discovered that they were still in contact. I told him it had to end immediately, and he stopped contacting her. She would still call sometimes, and I demanded that he tell her to stop it. He refused to be "mean" to her, so in a fury, I called her husband and told him that since she'd already ruined his first marriage, I did not want her anywhere near us.
He didn't know about it before I called him. My husband now says he's glad I took charge and ended the problem, but my girlfriends say I was completely irresponsible and put the other woman in danger. They made me feel horrible, and told me it was possible that her husband would be violent against her. This situation has caused a lot of grief for me and my husband, but now on top of that, I'm worried about her. I was trying to fix the situation. Did I do the wrong thing?
— Full of Fury Fleur
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Dear Full of Fury Fleur,
Unless this woman is already in an abusive relationship, I doubt that her husband resorted to physical violence after learning about her infidelity. But it's better to be safe than sorry so try contacting The National Domestic Violence Hotline. They'll have information on what you can and should do. I think it's more likely that this is just a situation she and her husband will either work through or not.
On a separate note, I'm concerned that your husband was still in contact with the woman that ruined his first marriage. And I think it's important that you understand that any contact between them is a two-way street regardless of who initiates it. Your husband should have been adult enough to end things with her, but instead, you had to do it for him and that's a problem if you ask me. I'd suggest a couple's therapist for you and your husband while you work through this obvious issue in your relationship. Perhaps it's time to get to the root of the problem.