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You Asked: I Can't Get Over His Infidelity

You Asked: I Can't Get Over His Infidelity


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend cheated on me several times with the same girl. I was six months pregnant at the time I found out. He would say he was working late or going out with the guys for a drink, and when he didn't come home he would tell me he was too drunk to drive and didn't want to wake me up. When I found out about this other woman, which is a friend of ours, I called her, and she told me that she didn't love him but that they were just having sex, which didn't make me feel any better. I confronted him, and he lied to me.

One night I decided to drive by her home and see if he was there. I went to the door and caught him in his lie. He ended it with her and told me he was sorry and that he wanted to make it work. I forgave him and things have been better. Now we have a beautiful daughter, but I can't seem to get over the pain he caused me. Every time we have sex all I think about is the other woman. I just can't trust him, and I'm not sure if I can be with him anymore. Should I try to make it work for our daughter, or move on with my life?

— Trying to Move On Melissa

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Dear Trying to Move On Melissa,

Wow, what a horrible situation to be put in. There's really no excuse for your boyfriend's behavior, and I can't say I blame you for not being able to trust him; he damaged your relationship at a very vulnerable time for you. It sounds like you've forgiven him, but you're having a hard time forgetting, which is very common when someone is unfaithful. Have you thought about couples counseling or just talking to him about the resentment you still feel?

I can't say whether or not you should leave him, but if you can't re-establish trust then it's unlikely you guys will be able to maintain a healthy relationship. From what you've written, it sounds like you don't want to be with him anymore. If that's the case then I don't think you should stay with him simply for your daughter's sake The fact is that your daughter can have a happy and healthy life even if you and your boyfriend are no longer together, but you may not be able to. Good luck to you.

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