You Asked: I Can't Believe He Broke Up With Me

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this guy for the past four years. In the beginning, we were having major problems, and two years into it, his dad was diagnosed with cancer. We decided we loved each other too much to break up. During the illness, my boyfriend's behavior became unbearable, and I broke up with him. Sadly, his dad died about six months after our break up, but we got back together after the funeral, and I thought things were going pretty well.

A few months later, for financial reasons, my sister moved in with me. I come from a strict family and my parents would not approve of me spending the night with my boyfriend. I don't agree, so I just don't tell them, but my sister said she refuses to lie. She said if they call and I'm at my boyfriend's place, she'll tell them. I told my boyfriend that we can still date but not spend nights together anymore. He couldn't deal, so he broke up with me and said to call him if my situation changes.

I am heartbroken and I don't know what to do. We've been through so much, and I feel like someone who wants to marry me should love me unconditionally. It seems so unfair. Am I missing something?

—In Disbelief Danielle

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Dear In Disbelief Daniele,

It sounds like you and your boyfriend have had your ups and downs over the past four years. I agree that it's pretty lame that your boyfriend broke up with you just because you can't sleep at each other's places, but there's got to be more to it than that. Maybe he's upset that you're not standing up for your beliefs and telling your parents the truth. Or maybe there are the same issues going on that were happening in the past.

If you really want this relationship to work, and you feel like he's "the one," then have an open conversation with him. Find out what he's feeling and if he loves you enough to make this relationship work. If he's just upset about not being able to spend the night, then work out a compromise. Maybe you can have a chat with your parents and tell them the truth so you don't have to lie or be sneaky, and neither will your sister. If that's out of the question, and he wants to remain apart, then I'd question the sincerity of his feelings. I agree that if he truly loved you, he'd stay with you no matter what, so if he's giving up because of this little obstacle, it may be a huge warning sign that this relationship isn't what you thought it was. Good luck Danielle.

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