You Asked: I Can't Accept My Boyfriend's Female Friend

You Asked: I Can't Accept My Boyfriend's Female Friend


Dear Sugar,

I'm so incredibly jealous of one of my boyfriend's female friends, and I want to know how I can stop feeling this way. I'm not worried my boyfriend would ever do anything inappropriate, I know he only has eyes for me, I just get really angry and hurt inside when I know they're hanging out. Due to the way my life is right now, I'm lucky if I get to spend an afternoon with my boyfriend once every two weeks! She, on the other hand, gets to see him whenever she wants, multiple times a week, on fun outings like dinners, late-night coffee runs, movies, concerts — all the things I wish I could do with him but can't for the next few months. I would never tell my boyfriend to stop seeing her because he is trustworthy and should be free to spend time with his friends but it's eating me up inside knowing that I can't be a part of those fun times, and she can. I know it's not the friend's fault and it's not my boyfriend's fault, but I still feel rejected, jealous, and lonely. How can I make myself feel better about how bad this situation is? — Left Out Lani

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Dear Left Out Lani,

I'm not sure what's going on in your life that's taking up so much of your time, but from what you're telling me, it sounds like your boyfriend is carrying on a relationship with someone else! They are doing everything a couple would do, so I completely understand why you're upset. Since asking them to stop hanging out isn't an option for you, it's imperative that you voice your feelings to him as soon as possible — he might not even know how you're feeling.

Since your busy schedule sounds temporary, keep your eye on the prize and know that you'll be spending time with your boyfriend and doing all the things you've been missing out on sooner than later. In the meantime, keep the lines of communication open with your boyfriend — I'm sure he'd feel the exact same way if the roles were reversed. But just because you can't spend long afternoons together, Lani, it doesn't mean you can't make the time you are together special. Try to spend the nights together so you can cuddle and feel connected again, ask him to meet you for coffee when you have breaks, and rev up the amount you text or talk on the phone. I'm sure just knowing that he's thinking about you will make things better until your schedule frees up. I hope this helps!

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