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You Asked: How Do I Tell Him I'm Still a Virgin?

You Asked: How Do I Tell Him I'm Still a Virgin?


Dear Sugar,

I am currently romantically involved with a much older man. I am 18-years-old and he is almost 31. It may seem like a large gap, but we honestly have so much in common and I've never been happier. The problem is that I'm still a virgin, and he's had three serious relationships that I know of. I told him I wasn't ready for sex, but I never told him that I'm actually a virgin. He's respected my wishes, but lately he's been putting more pressure on me. I feel like I'm ready for the next step, but I'm not sure how to take it. How do I tell him my situation without scaring him away?

— Young But Ready Debbie

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Dear Young But Ready Debbie,

That certainly is a significant age difference, but it sounds like you've made your decision to be honest with him, and I think that's always a good move. I'm glad to hear that he's been respectful of your desire to wait, but don't feel that you have to give into any pressure now that he's more eager. Deciding to have sex just to please him is not a recipe for a good relationship; however, if you're truly ready, owning up to your secret is imperative.

Depending on how well you know each other, it's possible that he's already guessed that you're a virgin so talking with him may not be as difficult as you think. You have nothing to be ashamed of so I would just be very direct with him. If he does get scared, it will reveal a lot about your relationship, namely that he's not comfortable dating someone who is on such a different level from him. On the other hand, your virginity might be a major turn on for him, which is also worrisome — you don't want him to date you just so he can pop your cherry.

If he's anything but supportive after you have a heart to heart, I would start considering the implications of your age difference. If he's willing to take things slow and you feel like he's respecting your needs, try not to worry so much about his reaction and focus more on how you feel. Good luck, and remember to use protection.

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