You Asked: How Can I Get Past His Cheating?


Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for six years and have been together for 10. About three months ago I found out that he had an affair about two years ago. I forgave him, and we have been working together to move past it. Lately some friends of his friends that know the other woman have been coming over to our house to spend time with my husband. Whenever they mention her name in passing, my blood boils. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I can't seem to get the affair out of my mind. I don't know what to do. We are completely open and honest with each other, but my thoughts are consumed with him cheating on me. Do you have any advice? — Consumed Cassie

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Dear Consumed Cassie,

I commend you for forgiving your husband for his infidelity, and I say that because it takes an incredibly strong woman to do what you're doing. It doesn't surprise me that your thoughts are consumed by this, but know that forgiveness won't happen overnight. Building the trust back takes a lot of hard work from both people in the relationship, so while you're doing your part to move forward, he needs to do his part too.

The first suggestion I can make is to stop having these guys over that talk about this woman. Your house should be a safe, sacred place, so if your husband's friends are the cause of your angst, simple tell him they are no longer welcome. Although you're working on this together, I also recommend you see a therapist on your own. Being cheated on comes with a plethora of emotions and obsession can be one of them. If you're replaying them together over and over in your head, it's pretty clear that you're still holding onto some issues that you need to let go of in order to fully move past his infidelity. I'm glad to hear that you're keeping the lines of communication open at home, so keep it up and hopefully, with time, this rough patch will be a faint memory. Good luck.

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