You Asked: His Insecurities Are Tearing Us Up


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has been cheated on a lot in his past. Now that he's with me, he doesn't know how to trust and he's convinced that I'm going to cheat on him, too. He accuses me of being unfaithful anytime I'm with my friends, even though the thought has never even crossed my mind. I've never cheated before and never intend to, but I can't seem to make him believe me. I care for him deeply but I can't take his constant accusations for much longer. What should I do? — I'm Not Trusted Tanya

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Dear I'm Not Trusted Tanya,

Being in a relationship with someone that doesn't trust you is a huge problem. Trust, communication, and honesty are three major components to a healthy, successful relationship, and it sounds like all three of those are lacking here. While I understand that your boyfriend has been hurt in the past, he could quite possibly ruin the great relationship he has with you simply out of fear of history repeating itself.

I'd start off by having a serious talk with him. Explain to him that you're not like the other woman he dated before you, and make him understand how much you care for him. Unfortunately nothing you say will make him change his tune overnight, so try to give him as much positive reinforcement as you can. You might also want to suggest that he sees a therapist who can help him work through his insecurities and fears.

I'm not surprised that his accusations are bringing you down, especially when they have absolutely no merit, so if nothing changes after opening the lines of communication, this relationship just might not be what's best for either one of you right now. It's very clear that he has a lot of trust issues to work through, and though you care for him deeply, you deserve to be with someone who takes your word to heart.

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