You Asked: He Won't Help With the Bills

You Asked: He Won't Help With the Bills


Dear Sugar,

My live-in boyfriend is helpful around the house, the sweetest person on earth, and I love him so much, but he has never contributed to our household bills — it's my house. I think he has paid one phone bill and one utility bill in three and a half years. It's very uncomfortable for me and I'm starting to feel resentful. We have no communication about this, except him telling me things will get better, only after I start to complain. He even owes me money that I loaned him a few months ago. I feel like I've hit the point where I have to tell him to move. I love him but I don't know what to do. Any advice?

— He's Bleeding Me Dry Bevin

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Dear He's Bleeding Me Dry Bevin,

You've got to tell your boyfriend that if he doesn't start carrying some of the financial weight then he has to move out. Come up with a fair budget for the both of you and present it to him — make sure that you include a monthly payment for the amount he owes you, too. Obviously, if he can't agree to this or doesn't follow through then you have to be firm about having him move out. You can't continue to pay the way for both of you, especially since it's creating resentment.

It's not uncommon for people to go through lazy or unproductive periods, but three and a half years is unacceptable if you ask me. I would be seriously worried if your boyfriend is as unconcerned about finances as he seems to be. If you guys are planning to continue your relationship and either enter into a long-term partnership or marriage, I would think long and hard about your decision. Of course, it's okay for one person to shoulder more of the burden, but it has to be something both people have agreed upon together; otherwise, it's a recipe for disaster. Good luck.

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