I have been dating my boyfriend for the past three months. We are both 40 and we have so many things in common. I must say that I am loving everything about this relationship. I think that I have finally found my soul mate.
Our lovemaking is off the hook. It is amazing. However, he does not like for me to perform oral sex on him, although he will do it to me. He will engage in a lot of freaky behavior in the bedroom, but is totally against me giving him pleasure in that way. I tried it once, and he let me go on about three minutes and stopped me saying "I'm scared." He says that he loves me, so what could he possibly be scared of? In addition it takes him a really long time to have an orgasm and prefers that I do it manually. What gives?
—Want to Please my Man Margaret
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Dear Want to Please my Man Margaret,
The only way you're really going to know what "scares" him is to ask. I could make up a hundred reasons such as he's afraid he'll orgasm too quickly, or he's worried you won't like the taste or that he smells funny. He may know that it takes him a really long time to orgasm with oral sex, or he just may not like getting blow jobs. Maybe it's your technique that could use some help, or maybe he's had a bad experience with someone hurting him during oral sex. I could go on and on.
Also, some people just prefer to pleasure their partner and they have a hard time just relaxing and letting someone pleasure them — he may get more sexually aroused from going down on you, or he may just not feel like he deserves that kind of pleasure himself. Keep the communication open with him, let him know that you want to be able to please him and make him feel good. After a heart to heart, I'm sure you'll be able to work this little issue out.