You Asked: He Caught Me in a Lie


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of eight months has a drawer where he puts his change and everything in his pocket at the end of the day. Last Friday when we were hanging out, I noticed that there happened to be a lot of crumpled bills there, so I took a $10 bill, thinking he wouldn't notice. He did, and asked me directly if I'd been taking money from his drawer. I adamantly told him that I would never steal, but it turns out that he had marked the bills and this was just a test to see if I would lie.

So now I'm both a liar and a thief. I love this man so much, but now he's questioning our relationship and everything I've ever said to him. He has always been very jealous and suspicious of me because I've dated a lot people and he hasn't. He's 32, and I'm 30. I feel so stupid that I lied. I'm just so scared that I'll lose him. I need to make this better, but how do I make him trust me again?

— Sorry I Stole Sydnie

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Dear Sorry I Stole Sydnie,

I have no doubt that you love your boyfriend and that you want to make things right again, but I can't help but feel concerned about this relationship. It's a bit disconcerting that you felt the need to steal from your boyfriend in the first place — even if it was only $10. The lines of communication should be open enough that you can ask your boyfriend for money as opposed to taking it from him.

However, the fact that your boyfriend marked the bills looking to catch you in a lie leads me to believe that this incident might not be the first of its kind. I don't think that his insecurities about having been in fewer relationships played a role in his reaction to you lying to him about the money. Though I don't condone your boyfriend's method of tricking you, I can understand why he'd be questioning elements of your relationship.

The first step in maintaining this relationship is for both of you to work on your own personal issues regarding trust, lying, and jealousy. This means you need to stop taking things without asking, and if you do take something, tell him. He also needs to work on trusting you and letting some of his feelings of paranoia go. As you grow individually, you need to begin to open up more as a couple, which includes revealing your insecurities and flaws. Hopefully you can create a stronger foundation built on honesty and communication — two big key players in a healthy relationship.

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