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You Asked: Did I Destroy Our Friendship?


Dear Sugar,

I have been broken up with my ex girlfriend for three months — we had been together for more than four years. After the breakup we talked occasionally and our friendship was pretty solid. She recently flew to another city for a job interview and we got into a fight. I had finally expressed my feelings to her for the first time so I had a lot of built up frustration. I did say things out of anger, but they were not insults, I simply told her that I felt she no longer took my needs into consideration. She became infuriated and told me she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I have called her multiple times asking her to listen to my explanation — that I was scared of losing her to a job faraway, but my attempts have been unsuccessful. I don't know how to keep the friendship together and although I am still in love with her, I am willing to just be friends so I don't lose her from my life altogether. I have told her that I will give her space, but I am scared that the space will make her forget about my great qualities and the good times we've had. Do you have any advice for how to keep the friendship together? — Holding on Henry

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Holding on Henry,

You say you're concerned with keeping your friendship with your ex, but it's pretty clear that you are still in love with her, so this quest could be a difficult one for many reasons. I don't know the details of your breakup, but if you're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with her, I'd be honest and tell her how you feel, as it's obviously affecting your current rapport.

Since you feel the need to explain yourself, try writing her an email. Let her know where your angry words came from and tell her exactly what you've told me. If it's space that she wants, you don't have much of a choice but to give it to her, but at least you'll know that she knows where you stand. Hopefully after she gets the breathing room she needs, you can work out your relationship and figure out where you fit into each other's lives. Good luck.

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