You Asked: Can I Trust Him?


Dear Sugar,

I met this amazing guy a year and a half ago. We hit it off right away and started dating exclusively. After about a year, we had our first real fight. I didn't think much of it because it was just one argument, but then the fighting got so bad that we eventually broke up and he started dating someone else. They broke it off, but he continued to stay close with her. He still has that girl in his life as a friend, but he says he wants me back. I don't know if I can trust him with her. I love him, and I know he loves me, but I'm afraid he still has feelings for her. Should I give him a second chance?

— Getting Back Together Gabby

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Dear Getting Back Together Gabby,

I think what's most important to note is that your boyfriend began and ended his relationship with this other woman when you guys were no longer a couple. He never cheated on you, and he never cheated on her, thus giving you no cause for concern. However, I would be honest and tell him that you're not all that comfortable with their relationship. It's not uncommon for people to stay friends after dating, so I don't think you should necessarily write him off because he's chosen to do so.

But while your relationship hasn't been altered by trust issues, it's concerning to hear that one fight led to your eventual breakup. To me, that's a bigger issue than the fact that he briefly dated another girl when you two were no longer together. If you do decide to work on building your relationship again, the first thing I would do is establish why your arguments grew so out of control. Is this something you guys can work on together? Is it something that will require personal development for one or both of you? While fighting is normal in relationship, it's important to learn how to do it without blowing it out of proportion. Good luck.

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