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You Asked: Can I Ask to Bring a Date to Their Wedding?


Dear Sugar,

I need some advice on the correct and most gracious protocol on asking about a plus-one to a wedding. I am a bridesmaid in one of my dear friend's wedding. It's a destination wedding so I would love to bring my boyfriend as my date, however it's a very intimate wedding (family and close friends only), with a large reception to follow afterwards, back here at home. While the engaged couple has met my boyfriend, he travels often and hasn't had a chance to get particularly close to them (though they get along very well).

I absolutely understand that this is my friend's day and I will go along with whatever she prefers, even if that means that I go solo, but do you think it's even worth asking her if I'm allowed a plus-one date or should I assume that it's out of the question? I love my friend and I don't want to create any awkwardness or have her feel like she must say yes, but it would mean so much to me to have my boyfriend there with me for the long weekend. — He Wasn't Invited Ingrid

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Dear He Wasn't Invited Ingrid,

This is a toughie! It sounds as though you haven't been dating your boyfriend long so since they don't know him well, it's possible that they really do want to keep their wedding as intimate as possible, but the only way you'll know for sure is by asking.

Since you say you'll be fine if she says no, I'd preface your conversation by saying just that. Be as honest as possible, let her know that you understand that they want to keep their guest list to a minimum, but if there was space for just one more, you'd love to have your boyfriend come help celebrate their special day. I'm sure she'll understand your desire to have him there, but as we all know, weddings are expensive and they take a lot of time and energy to plan, so if adding one more will cause too much trouble, try not to be disappointed if her answer is in fact no. And remember, if he can't attend the actual ceremony, he will be able to celebrate with everyone at the reception back home!

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