You Asked: Am I Overreacting Here?

Dear Sugar,

One of my oldest friends lives in another city. He recently came down to visit me and it was a great reunion with one small problem: he’s turned into a major pothead. He’s always enjoyed his weed, and although I don’t smoke pot, I don’t mind if he does on his own time. But when he visited, he proceeded to get high in my apartment multiple times a day.

I feel uncomfortable about all of this. I don’t like my house to smell like marijuana and I’m a little hurt that my dear friend couldn’t just enjoy our time together without having to be high. Plus, I just think it’s overall rude. I didn’t say anything (aside from a request to open the windows so that my apartment wouldn’t smell) because I do value our friendship and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable in my home, but it concerns me that he can’t go even a few hours without smoking and that our time together pretty much went to his habit. Am I overreacting? — Smoke Free Freda


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Dear Smoke Free Freda,

No, I don't think you're overreacting in the slightest, but I'm a bit confused as to why you didn't say anything to him. Though you didn't want him to feel uncomfortable in your home, he in turn made you uncomfortable in your home!

Now that he's gone, I would call him and have a little chat about his recent visit. Don't patronize him or attack him in any way, just voice your frustration and let him know how hurt you are that he got high every day while you were together. If you feel this is a bigger problem than just using while on vacation, you might want to bring that to his attention as well, but use a caring and loving tone so he doesn't act defensive.

Though you don't mind that he smokes marijuana on his own time, it clearly affected your time together. It sounds to me like he took advantage of your carefree attitude and disrespected the rules of your home. Hopefully he'll be able to see where you're coming from and apologize for his selfish behavior so you can put this past you and move on with your friendship. But Freda, the next time you see each other, make sure you come to an understanding of what the weekend will entail. I hope this helps!

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