I've been going out with my boyfriend for about seven months. When we first met, one of the things that attracted me to him was his great sense of humor. He loved to poke fun at people and called them names - but the way he did it made it seem like it was all in good fun. It was refreshingly honest without being hurtful. I used to make fun of him too in the same way and he loved it.
As things got more serious between us, I became more sensitive whenever he made fun of me. When I wanted to go into a deeper conversation (maybe about our relationship or about something that I was sensitive about), I felt like he wasn't taking me seriously or that he was mocking my ideas. I recently confronted him about this and he just says that he's always been this way so why is it such a big deal now? He assures me he respects me and deeply cares about what I have to say. He says that his jokes are just jokes and to stop reading into them so much. For some reason though, I feel like crying when ever he makes fun of me now.
I've stopped making fun of him but I'm afraid I'm overreacting. I don't want to be someone who can't take a joke and I'm afraid of eventually becoming a boring girlfriend. I'm also scared that I'm going to become bitter. Lately, I've found myself becoming less attentive and meaner to him out of spite. Why am I becoming so sensitive? Am I wrong to be feeling this way? — Vulnerable Valerie
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Dear Vulnerable Valerie,
I don't blame you for being sensitive with your boyfriend's jokes, his making fun of you all the time can't make you feel very good about yourself. I understand in the beginning of a relationship, a flirty here and there is all in good fun, but once you get to a deeper level, it almost seems disrespectful for him to still tease you like you're in the fourth grade!
Just because you don't want to be made fun of all the time doesn't mean that you're boring. It also doesn't surprise me that you're acting bitterly towards him, so if I were you, I would have another heart to heart with him ASAP. Let him know that you don't necessarily want him to change his personality that you love so much, but that you're more sensitive than he may think and his words are hurting your feelings. He most likely has no idea how he is making you feel and if he knew how upset you were, he would stop immediately. Good luck Val.