Worried That Boyfriend Is Cheating

Sunday Confessional: I'm Insecure

July 25, 2010

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I constantly worry that my boyfriend is cheating on me. How do I keep my jealousy under control?

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14 Comments

ltoya 2 years 36 weeks

Same here. It depends on the whole story. Has he given you good reason to not trust him? Has he cheated in the past? If so, then may be you shouldn't be with him anyway. If you talked through it and have forgiven him, then you should do just that. Don't hassle him about it or else it will just destroy the relationship. If you just have your own insecurities, then I would suggest some couseling. Everyone especially women get insecure at some point in time, but you let it go and trust that you two chose to be with each other for a reason. Trust that he loves you and let him be. Don't always think about what he could be doing. Honestly he could have chosen to be with someone else, but he chose you. That should count for a alot.

honeylocs 2 years 39 weeks

I agree with Anonymous poster of 7/26. What is the whole story?

twilightzone 2 years 42 weeks

I've been there myself. The funky thing about is that if you had a friend come to with this problem you most likely know exactly what to tell her, and be passionate about it. But, when dealing with this type of situation from inside your own head, ironically complicates things. But I'm gonna cut a little bit of knowledge off from my personal stash. Everyone is mentioning self esteem, confidence and these are on the top of the "must have" list. Without having these in correct working condition all the other ingredients will not merge sufficiently. Now, we can go through all the psychiatric mumbo jumbo, encircling the very source from wence this vile thorn has been born; You must know that there is a direct source from these feeling have stemmed from, right? but I'm thinking that you probably are looking for some tools use quite quickly. So, 1st you must center yourself, release the old ways of thinking & replace it with a new way of thinking. The old being, those awful little conversations that go on inside your head, the stories that are played out, scenarios, fault finding, accusations, spying, etc - This type of old thinking is gonna get you into trouble, nothing good can comes from any of this. When you allow yourself to indulge in this type of behavior, it changes your perspective, your perception and it effects you. It will consume you. By putting so much focus on the idea that he could be fooling around, will draw it into realty. The more you resist these destructive thoughts or behavior, the stronger and more confident u will feel, it will effect the way you act, the way you carry yourself n it will show. Remember that thought are a very power thing, so do your best keep your thoughts on the positive side,

inlove23 2 years 42 weeks

I use to constantly worry about this, but I decided that if he is going to cheat on me then he is going to cheat on me, and it's not like worrying about it will prevent it so I just got over the notion. Just appreciate the time you have with him, and don't worry about the what if's so much =)

2 years 42 weeks

you may be right, but also we're not getting the whole story. has he cheated on you before? how about in his past relationships? did he cheat on someone to get into a relationship with you? how many cheaters have you dated? did your dad cheat on your mom? my big question is, have YOU ever cheated on anyone? sometimes when people are suspicious of someone else it is because they themselves are either entertaining the idea or have actually done it before. this insecurity could be coming from all sorts of different places, we need more info to properly give advice!

skigurl 2 years 42 weeks

I've had this feeling before, and my gut was right. Listen to yourself.

Skeptic52 2 years 42 weeks

I'm sure everyone's going to say to get help or try to heighten your self-esteem, etc. The truth is, whenever I had that feeling in the past, I was usually right to at least some degree and the guy usually wasn't right for me. I didn't feel like that in every relationship. But, when something wasn't right, it consumed me. It was like I knew deep down inside the guy was up to something from the way his attitude changed, I'd just put so much effort and energy into the relationship (and usually our friends and family were tied up in it) that it made it hard to just break up, without proof. Plus, knowing hurts like hell, so you're always conflicted. The thing was, I was usually right and just sensing something was off. When I'd meet nice guys, that feeling wasn't there.Maybe you're sensing something isn't right and you just haven't reached the point yet where you're done with the guy. I know if men answered this you'd have a hundred replies about how you're just insecure and need to let men do whatever they do, Whatever, I'm sure they'd love that. Of course, years down the line, when they're daughter is dating a guy who's acting like a skeezer, they'll change their mind about how men should treat women and what women should put up with. The truth is, I can't remember a single friend who's had these feelings and wasn't right. I can remember girls who were obsessed to a degree that it annoyed me, but they always found out the guy was cheating all along. Its about standing up for yourself, making the tough decision to move on, and finding someone who treats you well, really. That's how you keep your jealousy under control. You can't change what anyone else chooses to do, but you can change the nasty guy you're dating.

Skeptic52 2 years 42 weeks

I'm sure everyone's going to say to get help or try to heighten your self-esteem, etc. The truth is, whenever I had that feeling in the past, I was usually right to at least some degree and the guy usually wasn't right for me. I didn't feel like that in every relationship. But, when something wasn't right, it consumed me. It was like I knew deep down inside the guy was up to something from the way his attitude changed, I'd just put so much effort and energy into the relationship (and usually our friends and family were tied up in it) that it made it hard to just break up, without proof. Plus, knowing hurts like hell, so you're always conflicted. The thing was, I was usually right and just sensing something was off. When I'd meet nice guys, that feeling wasn't there. Maybe you're sensing something isn't right and you just haven't reached the point yet where you're done with the guy. I know if men answered this you'd have a hundred replies about how you're just insecure and need to let men do whatever they do, Whatever, I'm sure they'd love that. Of course, years down the line, when they're daughter is dating a guy who's acting like a skeezer, they'll change their mind about how men should treat women and what women should put up with. The truth is, I can't remember a single friend who's had these feelings and wasn't right. I can remember girls who were obsessed to a degree that it annoyed me, but they always found out the guy was cheating all along. Its about standing up for yourself, making the tough decision to move on, and finding someone who treats you well, really. That's how you keep your jealousy under control. You can't change what anyone else chooses to do, but you can change the nasty guy you're dating.

Pistil 2 years 43 weeks

So well said, Glowing Moon.

Pistil 2 years 43 weeks

So well said, Glowing Moon.

TammyO 2 years 43 weeks

If there is good reason to be supicious of him, like say he is sneaky and dishonest then you don't need to be with him in the first place. But it sounds like you could look into yourself as to why you always feel this way in the first place. Like Glowing said, you have to nurture your own self-esteem first before you can be in a relationship. If you are in a perfectly normal realtionship (meaning no sneaking around and dishonestly) and you are still on edge all the time about it, then maybe you should take a break and work on loving yourself first before focusing on another. This just naturally helps you have more self-confidence concerning anything else.

TammyO 2 years 43 weeks

GlowingMoon 2 years 43 weeks

Without knowing you, I would say nurture some self-esteem. Like yourself, and have confidence that if anything bad happens in the relationship, trust that you can handle it, and be alright. Secondly, I hope that you chose a man who is trustworthy, and deserving of your heart. If he has none of these qualities, go back to my first tip -- build some self-esteem, realize you want a good man AND that it's okay for you to desire one (because you have self-esteem and self-value), and kick this man to the curb. :)

GlowingMoon 2 years 43 weeks

Without knowing you, I would say nurture some self-esteem. Like yourself, and have confidence that if anything bad happens in the relationship, trust that you can handle it, and be alright.Secondly, I hope that you chose a man who is trustworthy, and deserving of your heart. If he has none of these qualities, go back to my first tip -- build some self-esteem, realize you want a good man AND that it's okay for you to desire one (because you have self-esteem and self-value), and kick this man to the curb. :)

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