At Wit's End With My Friend

Dear Sugar
Lately my best friend has become involved with a guy (aka sleeping with him occasionally) that she was once involved with. She frequently comes to me for advice and she's learned that I'll be blunt and tell her exactly what I think of the situation, which usually isn't good. Actually, she said she likes the fact that I'll tell it to her straight but if she doesn't like what I say, she'll sometimes say that I don't understand because I'm married. I remember dating and she knows that, we've been close for ages. I don't think he's into her; he turns her down every chance her gets and they only hook up when their paths cross at the parties of a mutual friend. Getting together isn't a problem because they live in close proximity. She has the potential to get very hurt in this situation. I've told her that and she agrees with me but isn't quite ready to let go of him. My last straw as a friend came this morning when I found out she hooked up with him again after specifically telling me that very night she was through with him. I want to be a good friend, but I'm really sick of giving her hours upon hours of advice because I've learned she really has no intention of taking it. At what point do I become a total bit*h and say "do what you want but don't ask me about it because you know what I think." She's my best friend and I know how harsh it will sound. To top it off, I have been known to obsess about things in the past so it may sound hypocritical but I really don't want to hear about this guy anymore! Sick and Tired

Dear Sick and Tired
Ahhh, no doubt that's got to wear on you. Your friendship is being tested, but don't worry you are passing with flying colors. Being a good friend means doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you. So all you can really do is listen - which you have been doing. Doesn't everyone have one of these guys in their past? You need your friend to get through it and hopefully one day soon, she'll wake up and realize she's had enough of this jerk. Tell her that you have something you want to say to her and that it's not easy for you to say but you must in order to feel like you are being her friend. Explain that you are having a hard time constantly watching her get hurt and used. Tell her that from the outside it looks like she's compromising her self esteem and that she's obsessed with a guy who doesn't deserve her. Describe to her that in your eyes, it's just getting uglier and uglier each time they hook up and he lets her down. Let her know that you will always be there for her, but that she's not listening to you so you are feeling frustrated when you give advice. I am sure she'll understand what you mean - she's got to be beyond frustrated herself. Tell her that you understand that she needs to walk away on her own terms, but what you can do to help her break away from this bad habit of a guy. I think she'll appreciate you being straight with her and she'll feel grateful to have a friend like you who stood by her all the while.