Which Comes First? Exchanging Keys or Having the Talk

March 27, 2009

When you're dating someone, each "first" is a real milestone. And once you get passed your first date, first kiss, and first time having sex, things start to really take off. So for you, which comes first — exchanging keys to your separate homes, or do you need to have "the talk" first, to discuss where your relationship is going?

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31 Comments

elizabethsosewn 4 years

who would give out their keys to someone they weren't sure they were really DATING?!

Mod 4 years

I wrote earlier that my boyfriend gave me the keys to his place just a couple of weeks after dating and before we had the talk, because he was going out of town and asked me to check is mail a couple times. I saw that someone said, "couldn't he have given them to a friend?", and I left out the fact that we had been friends for three years before we started dating... So, it really didn't feel weird at the time, but I didn't give him my key for four more months.

sparklestar 4 years

Why wouldn't you have the talk before handing over a spare key?! I don't understand handing over a spare key anyway. Why does he need to be there when I am not? :)

bbkf 4 years

Maybe I'm weird, but I've never had "the talk" with any of my boyfriends. I've lived with four of them, including my husband, and we didn't need to talk about the future of our relationship at any point. I'm very much a "let's just see where this goes" person. No need to over-analyze.

theavalanches 4 years

duh.

theavalanches 4 years

duh.

msshellokitty 4 years

there's no way i would give someone a key if i didn't know where the relationship was going.

aimeeb 4 years

Why would you give your key to just someone you're casually dating?

sprinkibrio 4 years

I'm confused about what "the talk" is. I always assume "the talk" aka asking where the relationship is going is a pre-engagement talk while deciding to be exclusive is just deciding to be exclusive. Anyways, that is why I decided on keys before the talk, but what I mean is exclusive, keys, then pre-engagement talk.

Marci 4 years

I agree with the majority here. Why would you give your keys to someone you still don't know where you stand with?

Spectra 4 years

Have the talk first, most definitely. I don't think I gave my husband keys to my place ever...not until we were married, actually.

LittleMzFit 4 years

Can't help if I'm a little passionate... :coffeecup:

chatondeneige 4 years

Umm, wow. That was perhaps a more intense reaction than necessary. ;)

LittleMzFit 4 years

NO keys if NO ring!!! No ring if no talk. Case closed. My home is NOT a barn & I am NOT your COW! :MOO:

chatondeneige 4 years

With the exception of things like what Mod described (and really,even then - doesn't he have friends, or a doorman?), I can't imagine giving a significant other complete access to your home if you haven't made some sort of firm plan about where you two are going.

miss malone 4 years

With me, having the talk. For sure.

princess_eab 4 years

Uh... I'm pretty sure the talk should come before giving someone full and unquestioned access to your home!!!

pippins_halfling 4 years

No point giving someone keys until you know where the relationship is going. You need to know that you're on the same page.

GScott86 4 years

Ignore that last line, lol, but seriously...would you trust someone with ALL of the possessions, including your home itself, if you weren't sure whether or not that person was already planning to break up with you next week or not? (W/e, I wouldn't give my gf my the keys to my place anyway, unless there is good reason, she's got her own place, why does she need mine too?)

ilanac13 4 years

i think that you kind of need to have 'the talk' before you can give someone your keys

GScott86 4 years

Why would you give someone the keys to YOUR place if you don't really trust them or much less know where your lives are going together. Really, I wouldn't let anyone have my keys unless they were actually living with me. And by that I mean, I wouldn't let anyone have a copy of my keys unless they were living me with AND I completely trust them, just like with my ATM/Credit card. The only people who would and has ever gotten to hold my money cards have been IMMEDIATE family members, and my significant other who I knew I could trust completely with my life (I guess people who have seen me nakey lol XD).

totygoliguez 4 years

I will deffinetly have to be with him for a while before and know that things are serious before I even have sex with him. So deffinelty the talk first.