Where Do You Stand: Engaged to Be Engaged

June 17, 2008

I can be picky when it comes to certain terminology — you know how I feel about the use of "banged" and "nagging". Sometimes a word or phrase just gets under my skin, like "engaged to be engaged." Though I understand what the phrase is meant to describe, I find it frustrating, because it seems to put an entirely satisfactory relationship into the context of marriage. Perhaps a couple is more than happy just being where they are and feels no need to justify their relationship status with a totally made-up phrase.

Like promise rings, I just don't get the appeal, but do you agree? Or do you find it a perfectly reasonable description? When it comes to the phrase "engaged to be engaged" to represent a serious couple's status, where do you stand?

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56 Comments

2 years

I have used the phase and no I don't think it is suitable as a stance more of a joke I have been with my boyfriend 5 years and I'm still only 21 so we are not going to run off down the aisle at such a young age and our parents would kill us so its just really so we know that i were we plan to go, also makes for a fun introduction at parties =D

2 years

I think it doesn't really matter because every relationship is different, when it's right it's just right, and the timing may not be. So that's when terms like "engaged to be engaged" come from, you know it's the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you just have to wait on the formalities.

3 years

i'm engaged to be engaged simply because 1. im too young to get engaged, and 2. we both know we will make it that far it means that our future is planned for us to get engaged for real, we're just waiting but its nice, i dont care if people dont agree with it but we dont do promise rings. noo

loveydovey4 3 years

I'm in college so maybe it's different but I think promise rings are cute :) I'm in a sorority and we do this thing called "dropping" that is similar to a promise ring. Sorority women and fraternity men wear necklaces called drops that have their letters on a charm. When a guy gives his drop charm to a girl to wear with hers on the same chain it's called getting dropped and is considered to be a precursor to engagement just like a promise ring. I'm sure all the anti-greeks will think it's ridiculous but honestly I've always thought it was sweet... haha I really like the way the guy above me put it... that's how I've always thought of promise rings. I agree that if someone was financially stable and in a career and maybe a little older a promise ring would be weird...

loveydovey4 3 years

I'm in college so maybe it's different but I think promise rings are cute :) I'm in a sorority and we do this thing called "dropping" that is similar to a promise ring. Sorority women and fraternity men wear necklaces called drops that have their letters on a charm. When a guy gives his drop charm to a girl to wear with hers on the same chain it's called getting dropped and is considered to be a precursor to engagement just like a promise ring. I'm sure all the anti-greeks will think it's ridiculous but honestly I've always thought it was sweet... hahaI really like the way the guy above me put it... that's how I've always thought of promise rings. I agree that if someone was financially stable and in a career and maybe a little older a promise ring would be weird...

3 years

I think the term is silly. Yet how are promise rings stupid? I am in college, and not ready to be married, so I gave my g/f a promise ring for xmas. In my opinion its simply something to show my affection like any other piece of jewelery. All its saying to me is, right now, im not at the position in life to get you the ring i feel you deserve, So here is a promise that when i am able to, will get you the most beautiful thing i can. Now for a person in college, or in early career i think its reasonable. If you're 35 and handin out promise rings....thats a little weird.

dikke kus 4 years

Engaged to be engaged. Sounds like a term born of a cynic. By the way some people are really good at taking a perfectly good thing and putting a negative spin on it. Born from idealism that failed somehow. However lets stick to the subject and say that two people are engaged for the wrong reasons. That the engagement is not true or pure, or in some way the engagement is a farce. That is what the term implies. I've heard words like that before. Those terms are just a waste of breath and energy spoken out of anger and jealousy.Promise rings are just what they are. A sweet young gesture for some high school kids. Just stay a positive thinker and ask the person who's spouting off this crap for real information. They won't be able to put thier money where their mouth is, I guarantee it.

dikke kus 4 years

Engaged to be engaged. Sounds like a term born of a cynic. By the way some people are really good at taking a perfectly good thing and putting a negative spin on it. Born from idealism that failed somehow. However lets stick to the subject and say that two people are engaged for the wrong reasons. That the engagement is not true or pure, or in some way the engagement is a farce. That is what the term implies. I've heard words like that before. Those terms are just a waste of breath and energy spoken out of anger and jealousy. Promise rings are just what they are. A sweet young gesture for some high school kids. Just stay a positive thinker and ask the person who's spouting off this crap for real information. They won't be able to put thier money where their mouth is, I guarantee it.

peachoxie 4 years

Engaged to be Engaged: I guess MY definition of that (other than bratty b*tches who like big bling on their finger just to say i'm f*kin a rich guy) would be that, the size, shape, coloration of the ring means nothing compared to what it represents. Really ladies, I know our men need help sometimes, but if a guy truly knows you, then what he has in mind for you is a true definition of his love for you. What could be better than that? A bigger version of what your co-worker has? I'm sorry, but Marriage is a very sacred and BEAUTIFUL thing. Don't eff around with any of the mindless material obsessions of the ever changing world around you, and think about what the ring means to you. What it means to HIM. That's what matters.

Shandu 4 years

The term bugs me. My boyfriend and I are in love, serious and living together and I continuously have to stress to people that we are not engaged. Why do people need labels so badly? How-ever, I can handle the "engaged to be engaged" term better than promise rings. Eek!!!

jazzytummy 4 years

What is this called? A dumbass guy move.I get that he wants you to get the ring you want, I guess, but he seems lazy and apathetic about it. Why didn't he suggest you two go together and look at rings? Then, he could get an idea what you like, figure out his budget, buy the ring and "surprise" you with it.I think he is a bit insensitive, IMHO, sorry.The whole engaged to be engaged is just stupid...very junior high. Shit or get off the pot already.

jazzytummy 4 years

What is this called? A dumbass guy move. I get that he wants you to get the ring you want, I guess, but he seems lazy and apathetic about it. Why didn't he suggest you two go together and look at rings? Then, he could get an idea what you like, figure out his budget, buy the ring and "surprise" you with it. I think he is a bit insensitive, IMHO, sorry. The whole engaged to be engaged is just stupid...very junior high. Shit or get off the pot already.

jadenirvana 4 years

Hmm, interesting.As a matter of fact, a similar thing just happened to me this weekend. My boyfriend sort of "declared his intentions" i guess you could say. He told me loved very much, which is why he wants to propose-and also why he knows to let me pick the ring myself. So, basically, he told me to pick out a ring and send it to him and then he will buy it and propose. What is this called? It sort of floored me and I didn't really know how to respond. Is this common? Do tell!

DivaSug4r1 4 years

I think it's a doge. Like all of the happiness of being engaged and getting the ring, yet none of the pain and frustration of planning a wedding. You get the jewelry, but you don't have to plan the building of the life together... It's a bit brilliant..in a sly and crafty way.

RaCheer 5 years

I've never heard that term before but my boyfriend gave me a promise ring our first Christmas together. We have been together 5 years and plan on getting engaged at the end of this year. It's not just a promise to propose one day...it's a promise to be faithful and to be there for each other. It's a simple token reminder of our love for each other. It's not silly...

brittanyk 5 years

I've never heard of being engaged to be engaged. I'm currently engaged, we're not planning on getting married anytime soon really, within the next 3 years probably. So maybe I'm engaged to be engaged? haha. I don't know, I'm still in school and I want to get that done and over with before I even start thinking about planning a wedding.

TidalWave 5 years

Lame and immature. Definitely for insecure girls.

italianblonde 5 years

I DEFINITELY find it annoying!! In my mind it comes off as 'oh, we have a perfect relationship and we're getting married, but right now it's not right for us...but oh yeah, we have the perfect relationship'. That may make no sense at all, but it just irritates me haha.

lickety split 5 years

it's silly. never heard anyone over 21 use it. makes me think the person is afraid of stating their intentions so they are testing the waters. feel the same way about people who are engaged for years and never set a marriage date. make a decision and then follow through. less talk; more action.

sass317 5 years

never heard of this term, but of course I have heard of being promised. My college roommate had a "promise" ring, it looked like the worlds smallest engagement ring- they barely made it through the first year of college. Sounds like high school/early college. God Im glad Im not dating anymore.

sass317 5 years

never heard of this term, but of course I have heard of being promised. My college roommate had a "promise" ring, it looked like the worlds smallest engagement ring- they barely made it through the first year of college.Sounds like high school/early college. God Im glad Im not dating anymore.

allien86 5 years

I have never heard that saying however I guess I am "engaged to be engaged". My bf has the ring but he hasn't proposed yet. So he, I and a few others know the proposal is imminent yet I would never use that phrase about our relationship status.

neverecho 5 years

Sometimes you just know a person is "the one", but things like timing/financial situations/family/whatever comes in the way of actually getting engaged immediately. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married at some point, but right now our lives are in such flux that it doesn't make sense to buy an engagement ring and start planning a wedding. I, too, think the term "engaged to be engaged" is silly, but I want to point out that it's not at all weird to know that someone is the person you're going to marry but not yet be engaged to that person.

emalove 5 years

To each their own...

K is For Kait 5 years

It's a silly phrase. What's wrong with just staying you're in a serious relationship or you're in love?I think that jewelry, including rings, can be a cute gift, but it shouldn't be a "promise ring."

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