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Where Do You Stand? Dating a Guy Who Has Kids

by 132

I've always had this idea that I'd meet someone, get married, buy a house, and have children. I guess it's a common dream among women, and I hate to admit this but dating a guy who already has kids doesn't really fit into that picture. I'm not saying I would necessarily turn a guy away if he was a dad, but it's not exactly something I look for in a boyfriend.

I know I have some old-fashioned ideals, so what do you think? If you found out a guy you were dating had kids, would it bother you? Would you continue dating? Or would his family situation be a complete deal breaker for you?

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Love And SexKidsDating And TechnologyWhere Do You Stand?

132 Comments

Jessa2650759 Jessa2650759
I think it's important to view him and the kids as a package deal. You are dating ALL OF THEM, and they ALL need to be important to you. After some time, the time will be right to meet the kid(s) (usually after 6 months to a year), and it's important to let your relationship with the kid(s) be organic (develop naturally), otherwise the kid(s) may react poorly to your FORCED friendship, and authority. It's important to respect that the only authority you have is what the father is okay with. You can only hope that he respects you, and that the kid(s) learn to respect you, otherwise it will continue to be a struggle. So earn their trust, earn their love, then you can become someone that they are CHOOSING to listen to and show respect. Respect is earned, and a place in their lives as a co-parent is what you're working for, not just a relationship with the Father.   if you don't want, or can't handle a relationship with him plus kid(s), then you're with the wrong guy.
realist-chic realist-chic
I am currently dating a single parent. Im in my early twenties and hes in his early thirties. He is a really good father and has a very healthy relationship with the baby mama. Im actually friends with her and we have a lot of mutual friends. Its been about 6 months now and things are starting to settle in that I hadnt really thought through, like, what role am I filling? How does this relationship effect his daughter's life? Am I really willing to take on a role as a step mother at this point in my life? I am very independent and dont want to get married or have kids for a long time. I agree with everyone above that its hard not to want to be the center of attention but its also unhealthy to think that a relationship is meant to give you a sense of self worth and security. I have realized that this relationship is actually a great test of my deep insecurities. It is a difficult situation to encounter, especially if there is a deep connection with the parent, which is what I feel. I love him so much and see so many possibilities for our life together, but I am slowly realizing that these possibilities are limited because of his devotion to his daughters life. Its an indefinite commitment, something that will always come between us, and I dont know if I am completely secure and independent enough to accept that limitation. In a way though, I feel like I get too caught up in over-analyzing everything and should just let go and let things happen as they may. Lately I feel as though this relationship is actually more freeing because i have more time to myself while hes with his daughter, and when we do have alone time together, it is more enjoyable because of the space in between seeing each other. But then it gets complicated in that I end up being alone more often and when he does finally get time away from his daughter he wants some of it for himself, which limits our time together even more. Its as if I have to literally squeeze myself into his life, which makes me feel a little unimportant. I dont know, I guess I'm just suspended between wanting to be more prominent in his life and feeling bad about being that selfish when there a young girl is the opposition. I agree with what someone said earlier though, that maybe both his daughter and I are his number one, just on different levels. But then again, theres also the whole area of where his own independence fits in, how does he make time just for himself as a person? Theres just so many complexities, it makes me wonder why I got myself into this situation knowingly. I suppose the love I feel for him takes precedence over the contradictions. I just dont know if the love is really worth all the sacrifice and frustration. But it also makes me feel like it is unfair for him to be unable to find love or sustain relationships because he has committed himself as a father. Shouldnt he be even more deserving of my love? So many questions, so few answers.
testadura67 testadura67
I think it's an incredibly selfless kind of person who can begin a relationship with a single parent knowing that their kid will always come first. I personally never ever want kids and pretty much hate being around them. So no for me, but hats off to those who are willing to accept a child that isn't theirs into their lives.
I've been with a guy with kids for a year and a half now and I can tell you that the only way to have a fairly normal relationship is to take him far away from his past. Simply. He can talk to kids, be interested in what they're doing, but I would NEVER want to go through this living with kids crap or living in the same city as his screwed up ex. Just take him to a different continent where neither ex or his kids would never go and enjoy your partner.
I am currently in a relationship with a 25 year old male who has a 4 year old daughter. I am 20. As long as i can remember, I always told myself that i would never date someone who had a kid, because of the large amount of very obvious drama that comes with it(and theres plenty to go around). We have been together for going on almost six months now, and within the last three weeks, I have almost broken up with him a number of times, because he has done a lot in the listed above. I have had to put my foot down with how he treats his daughter, and acts around her. Like eating candy before bed and her doing whatever she wants. He has admitted that he does it because he wants to be the "cool" parent. While this is all fine and dandy, what kids crave, without realizing it, is structure, and somewhere where they know everything is in order. This doesnt mean you need to be mean, or a complete b*tch about it. Just firm. I do not plan on having children with the guy that i am with, because i feel the child would be placed second, and not loved as much by my boyfriend, or his parents, and that his daughter would have to fight to be "the best". This causes nothing but grief in my eyes.
IDC if people do think it selfish for wanting to come first in a serious relationship what happens if you have kids with the guy is his first kid gonna come first . just be cause he has a kid with someone else doesnt really make that kid part of YOUR family and im sick of people telling me other wise. he didnt even want the kid to begin with he wanted her to get an abortion but of course since she wanted to trap him she kept it even his family told her to get one shes such a bitch and she cheated on him to and shes having another baby she starts soo much drama and its pissing me off cause when he gets stressed it affects me too. baby mama drama with girls nowadays is ridiculas i dont get why these girls feel the need to cause all this drama when there not with the baby daddy anymore she cheated she has someone else she needs to get over everything. If i could go back i dont think i wouldve been in this relationship knowing he had a kid. its too hard and im too young and i feel like im playing mommy and i hate it. if i wanted a kid i wouldve opened my legs at a young age like he did. Now im way in to deep to leave cause i fell in love with this guy. It really isnt easy dating someone with a kid. i want to experience my first kid with someone whos never had one.. and now i probably never will ii wanted a boy and a girl he told me he wants one more and thats it cause he already has his boy. its not fair and any girl would get hurt by this if you say u wouldn't ur absolutely lying. Its hard dont do it unless your like 35 and up.
I am currently 23 and dating a guy who has a 3 year old daughter. The situation between him and his ex is an uneasy one, she is extremely unpredictable and seems to totally dominate him in terms of telling him when/where/for how long he can see his daughter. I have been with him for a year now and it has been a rather turbulent relationship at times. I am not a selfish person, and would never ever expect him to put me before his child. I knew he had a child when we went official so I never deprive him of his responsibilities as a father. I would warn people to be cautious when dating a man who has children, but it's not the end of the world. Yes, he will have to drop everything at times to see his children (if he is a good father and see's them lots), but if he is also a decent partner he will make time for you as well to keep a healthy balance going in the relationship. To put it simply, if you are someone who absolutely needs to be number 1 in your partners life, then avoid someone who has kids. If however you are prepared to share your partner with someone else who needs his love just as much as you do, then there is no reason why the relationship couldn't be a strong and loving one.
This is such a hard subject and its eating me alive, im young, talking to this guy that just had a baby, and the chick is CRUHAZY! but even though i feel like im not ready or i know im not ready for ALLLL that i still have feeling for the guy, WHAT DO I DO!
having read the posts......im thinking ladies who wouldnt date a guy with kids...out number those who would. but you see...this is why most guys like me....would lie about having children...at least at first..
I have to say if I knew now about the man I am dating/living with, I dont think I would have taken on a relationship in which there is a child. It IS extremely hard to always come 3rd or sometimes, 4th. He has a 12 year old son from a previous girlfriend who has been remarried for over 5 years. When she dated my BF she already had a daughter, and then got pregnant with his son fairly soon into the relationship. She has since had two other children with the man she is now married to. My BF SAYS that he is angry that he has missed out on about half of his son's life (because he only gets him half the time), but when his son is around he doesnt act like he wants to spend much time with him. He lets his son do whatever he wants, he doesnt clean up after himself (he's 12, he should), and whatever his son wants, he gets. I ask my BF why he does this and he says because he doesnt wnat his son to not want to be at our house, he doesnt want him to not like it here. So he requires NOTHING of him. I try to tell him that doing that will not help his son; as an adult people will not bow to him and give him everything he wants, he has to learn some responsibility. He says he knows I am probably right but he is scared to do any of that stuff . . . and I think he resents me after I say it. Additionally I think my BF doesnt exactly enjoy spending time with his son. They really have very different likes. He seems to get irritated easily with his son and is sometimes harsh . . . EXCEPT when he is mad at me, then all of a sudden his son is his best buddy and I get shut out and treated like I am invisible. If I say something to his son like "hey you need to eat some real food instead of that ice cream, you have only eaten crap all day", his son pouts and then Dad rushes to his defense, even though later he will say I was probably right. And when his son has said something to me that was snide and potentially hurtful, he doesnt step in and defend me or correct his son . . . he expects me "to handle it and give it back", which I think is dangerous and not fair to me. I think I am in a relationship with someone who is childish himself and not exactly responsible. He doesnt operate in a responsible manner and I think sometimes he secretly wishes he didnt have the responsibility of a child and uses that fact to his benefit whenever he wishes to create a divide between us. He tries to act like the victim in regards to his son, and how he has been cheated out of his son's life, but when given the chance he doesn't plan any activities to help bond with his son. He just lets his son do WHATEVER. And his Dad has told me that he KNOWS his son will be getting into trouble because he already is ( a few weeks ago he was caught by the cops at 2am with a couple of kids his age. They had snuck out of a house where they were doing a sleepover. And they are 12 years old!!!!!) All I could say was "well you know, you could try to change that, it's not too late" and he just said "I dont think so". And he certainly doesnt do anything to help integrate his son and me into a cohesive life together with him. I feel like I tried really hard in the beginning to be friends with his son, but it has become difficult to see him as nothing more than spoiled when his father has set things up to support that behavior. And then of course, I have never had kids so I am told "what the heck do you know", even though I have a masters degree in Elementary Education and have studied child development and psychology . . . before he had his son he hadnt had kids either so just because he has one now that is twelve, makes him an expert? This man hasnt been able to hold down a relationship for more than a few months in the past near decade, since his son's mom left him. I believe I now know why. We have been together for almost a year, and living together for almost 6 months . . . I am having the hardest time seeng this go on much longer.
I totally agree with most of these comments. It is very hard to date a man with kids. I am 25 years old, and my boyfriend, whom I am completely in love with, is 32 and has 3 kids. He has a 15 year old from one woman, and an 8 and 5 year old from an ex wife. I literally struggle with this everyday of our relationship. I love him more than anything, and I really want to spend my life with him, but I can't help but wish he didn't have children. His kids are amazing, they really are, I adore them. But those of you who said something about a priority conflict are totally correct. Never getting to feel like you come first sucks. It is a horrible feeling. It almost makes you feel like you will never be happy. I also have always thought that I would meet a man, no kids, and get to experience parenthood and all that for the first time with him. It is so hard to realize that this will never happen. He really doesn't want anymore kids, but I do. He says he would be ok having one more, as long as we can handle it financially. This is ok I guess. But sometimes i just want to scream at him!! ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDNT USE PROTECTION THE FIRST TIME AND MARRIED SOMEONE YOU DIDNT LOVE! I feel like I am being punished for his mistakes. He gets mad at me everytime we argue about this. He feels like I am being selfish, and he's right, I am. But I feel like I am sacrificing an awful lot because I love him, and he feels like HE is sacrificing.. not sure what he's giving up.. but thats how he feels. I want to have a family with a man i love, and for some reason he doesnt feel that way. Maybe he doesnt feel the same way about me as I do about him, although he claims we are meant to be. So I guess I would say this. Dating a man with children is hard, if you are not willing to sacrifice a lot, dont do it. But it can be done. The best way to go about it is to let him know how you feel, no matter how harsh it sounds, and come up with a solution. Let him know that you know his kids come first, but that sometimes you would like to feel special and like a priority also. He does not need to drop everything for his kids every little time they get a scraped knee. Married parents who have kids dont do that, its a part of growing up. They need to be there for their kids but they also need to commit to their relationship if they ever hope to have a successful one. If their kids are older, their kids need to know that it is NOT ok to try to sabotage their dad's relationship. They need to not get upset everytime their dad is NOT able to take them somewhere or do something. He will devote LOTS of time to them, but he has a job and other obligations too. Sometimes kids will take advantage of the situation otherwise. Trust me, it happens.
PiNKHEART14 PiNKHEART14
i am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 35. he has 3 kids. i am not too far off in age from his eldest. he has been completely respectful to me from day 1. there is nothing terrible about the situation, what matters is who the person is, and how you feel about each other. given, the only unfortunate part is that his deadbeat exes are in existence. he is who i fell in love with and i would never throw that away all because he has kids. should he never be loved by a woman ever again in his life, all because he has baby mommas in existence?i am a very selfless, secure, strong person. i don't mind that i can't be his #1 priority because the kids should be. i don't even mind that he is often drained and we don't get to have as much sex as i'd want! i just enjoy being with him. just make sure you both understand what you want for the future, whether that be having your own children, getting married, etc.i'm very surprised by the overwhelming number of people who would never consider dating a man who has children. when you see him interact with them and take care of them you can tell he a least has SOME ounce of decency, and can cross off the possibility of him being a completely selfish self-centered man who has never catered to anyone but himself, like many men are.
PiNKHEART14 PiNKHEART14
i am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 35. he has 3 kids. i am not too far off in age from his eldest. he has been completely respectful to me from day 1. there is nothing terrible about the situation, what matters is who the person is, and how you feel about each other. given, the only unfortunate part is that his deadbeat exes are in existence. he is who i fell in love with and i would never throw that away all because he has kids. should he never be loved by a woman ever again in his life, all because he has baby mommas in existence? i am a very selfless, secure, strong person. i don't mind that i can't be his #1 priority because the kids should be. i don't even mind that he is often drained and we don't get to have as much sex as i'd want! i just enjoy being with him. just make sure you both understand what you want for the future, whether that be having your own children, getting married, etc. i'm very surprised by the overwhelming number of people who would never consider dating a man who has children. when you see him interact with them and take care of them you can tell he a least has SOME ounce of decency, and can cross off the possibility of him being a completely selfish self-centered man who has never catered to anyone but himself, like many men are.
Right now i am 21 and my boyfriend is 21. he has 2 kids ages 4 and 2. and we have no problems. he is great his kids are sweet and My family loves him. I have no problem dating someone who has children
im only 17 and im alreadYYY going through this no! dont get involved or else it will be hard to get out of this big mess. i really like him and like some of you all have said you want to be his top priority.. thats not selfishness but you are tottalllly right.. baby momma drama is REAL people its not a joke.. she told him that if he wanted to see the baby he had to take the COMBO lol shes really crazyyy! so dont do it!
i have a previous relationship with a guy who had a child everything went well, for the two of us when its just the two of us. you must accept the consequences and accept his imperfections and his lifestyle for your relationship to work and so i did, it started well not until my parents figured it all out i was young then and a deans Lister at a good university they turned our relationship down so as my friends did . but that wasn't really the deal, in that case i find it very risky. i want to have a family of my own someday and its very hard to imagine or picture out myself in that scene. and I never had an assurance in our relationship, anytime he can get back on his eX since they had an attachment and i cant and i won't stopped him from doing that im not that selfish so at the end i was caught up in the middle of a tumultuous relationship between him and his ex so i decided to leave but in a nice way i talked to him and told him that i'm leaving. in the end ive learned my lesson it's not an easy thing to do maybe i was too young then to handle the complications. now im in my thirties and married to a good man and im very thankful to have my husband but i dont consider my past as a mistake i'm happy that ive learned a lot from it.
Hey peoples, well im only 18 years old and well i found out that this guys likes me and he told me on the day of my birthday adn well he has two little girls in which in my opinion i dont really see a problem with it because sooner or later i will have kids. The thing is that i really do like him and i know he likes me but its just that i sort of scared to give a chance i mean the mother of his kids is like always their and yea he doesnt feel anything for her and he has told me that but i just dont know what to do about it because he is my brothers friend and well my brother is being a little to over protective because he knows how he is and well he doesnt want anything to happen to me but i just dont know know what to do. If you have any comments or anything u can suggest any opinions on what you think i should do please let me know email me at aztec_girl9050@yahoo.com i would really apreciate it.
I recently met a wonderful man who, to my initial discomfort, informed that he was a dad to a 5 year old little girl. As the story goes, he is in the midst of a bitter custody battle over her, which is all-consuming for him. I am ready for a serious relationship and come with very little baggage; he, on the other hand, cannot entertain the idea of 'serious' until he gets his situation sorted (obviously). I completely respect him for putting his daughter first and do not have the expectation that I will ever be his #1 priority. Custody issue aside, he makes whatever time he can for me (which is about once/twice a week) and is honest about his limitations. Part of me wants to cut and run, but the bigger part of me likes him and I wonder if it would be silly to walk away, given that we have a very strong connection. I've dated a great deal recently, and the men without children did not impress me in the least. This man has his priorities straight and is kind, attentive and loving. The potential is such that I feel I have to give him a chance; he deserves to be happy and his daughter will be the better for it. Am I a fool?
Girls trust me its not so easy,m dating a guy with a daughter and goes to see her 3 to 4 times a month.everytime he goes I always wonder what he will do when he gets there,does he cuddle the baby mama?is it a hand shake?what do they talk about?it really gets on m nerves when m man goes to c his child,I love this guy and I guess iam afraid to move on caz I don't like the fact that he has a kid.I always the relatioship is between me,him,baby and baby mama.too bad when we have our own baby he is not going to be excited like me caz he's passed that stage of being a parent alrealdy and it hurts me but I can't walk away.m stuck
i am dating a man with children. i knew he had kids before we got into the dating stage therefore i had time to think if i wanted a real relationship with him. i have not yet met the children but can't wait for the moment. i understand it will take some time for them to get used to me and vice versa, but i am prepared to be in this relationship for the long run. i understand i am not number one in his life, nor is he in mines (due to me being a college student). he also wants more kids and i would like a big family as well. i know there are challenges with this (the mother of his children, the children, and other personals) but I've accepted this and welcomed it into my life. even if we don't last as a couple I am positive we will be friends, which wouldn't be confusing for the kids. people have kids and i believe that is no reason for someone to miss out on love, or a reason to x anyone out because of their "baggage". some people are willing to deal with the extra and some aren't, it doesn't make anyone stupid or selfish, just taste and preference...
Janey0902 Janey0902
I am currently dating a guy with 2 older teenagers. It's very annoying - I don't know how much longer I will continue. He treats them like babies, which really aggravates me. They can't even make their own damn lunch - they get waited on. I am on the back burner of course. They are always top priority which is difficult for me because I am not used to this. You will never be #1 when he has kids - actually nowhere near #1. THEY are his babies and you will be his entertainment. His loyalty will lie with THEM not YOU.
I dated a man with 6 children from 2 marriages from 6 - 18, Initially I did not have any trepidations; the relationship was not serious and I was introduced to them as a "friend." I have a 16 year old son and was able to have the time and resources to put into a potentially more challenging relationship. The children did not end up being the challenge. I developed strong feelings for this man, who has many great qualities, including being a good father. I got attached to the kids, all of them, and all of whom were great, and enjoyed the relationship with me; especially (unfortunately) the younger ones. I was undaunted, despite the ex wife problems. Oh, actually, he was not even divorced from the second one ( red flag? maybe?). I was willing to work through all of these obstacles... after 6 months I was in love with him AND his family. However, for reasons I still find unfathomable, he decided that I was not what he wanted. And broke it off with me, suddenly, without any time to say good bye to his children. And he had no thoughts about my son, and how it would affect him. (Happy ending at least for my son: he is now dating his 16 yo daughter!). PLEASE be compassionate, guys with kids, when it comes to breaking up with a single mom. Being a mom means that love is in great supply and generously given. Even if it is not perfect, there is always a way to end things where the least amount of damage gets done on all sides. Would I date a man with kids again? Absolutely. But, as some previous posters have mentioned, he would have to be one hell of a guy. Learned my lessons.... Amy
I dont know it kind of makes me sad, seeing all these people talk about being #1 priority in their mans life. its kind of ridiculous to me that you need to feel like you are loved more than another or you should have more attention. it sounds like you have some insecurity there. why can you not just let it happen and go with it? when you try to force things and try to be their everything, all the time you lose yourself. you should be happy with yourself before even thinking about getting into a relationship. AND i think more importantly you should find someone that you can be happy with instead of finding someone that will MAKE you happy. I have been dating a guy with two kids 4 and 2 and it is great. to love all the same and accept the situation as it is you will never be disappointed. i never thought i would be in this situation, because i am young but i wouldnt have it any other way! baby mama drama is always gonna be there, they will always have a relationship of some kind, to think there wont be, and to not want there to be is ignorant and very selfish. everyone just love and be happy, be happy with your self first!!! love you all
db27 db27
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years, he has two kids from previous relationships. I love the man, obviously being with him for so long, but if I could go back in time and avoid meeting him… I would.Being with a person who has kids is far more complicated than one can imagine. To be exact, becoming seriously committed to man or woman with kids especially one who does NOT have custody is a constant roller coaster of emotion.Forget about planning a life with this person because his or her life is controlled by the custodial parent. I can only compare it to being on a short leash which is yanked far too often, and when you least expect it , ripping both of you off of your feet.Over the years, I have realized that it does not get easier it gets harder. I used to have this naïve notion that as the kids got older and time passed things would settle down… WRONG. I used to think that life would get better once the kids hit 18 but that was a ridiculous thought as kids do not simply disappear and needs go on forever and become more expensive.We were actually married for a short time.. Yes married. We got a divorce when one of the mothers realized that she could get more money because of my income. Take it from me, the courts say that they do not take a new spouses income into consideration. BULLSHIT.Moreover, they threatened to confiscate my passport and wanted to access to my finances including assets that I own. The man pays child support faithfully plus contributes extra on the side to the mothers directly. But it is never enough.. it is never ever enough. And the ugly nasty dirty truth is, the extra money that they often want has NOTHING to do with the childs needs.Let me give you a personal scenario. Child tells my boyfriend that his mother has gotten married and is pregnant, that they are moving to a new state and are living in a big new house. Six months later a letter arrives from the courts ..she needs more money because her "situation has changed".She quit her job to move and be an at home mom and has no plans of going back to work. She lists on her financial affidavit that her income is zero, she does NOT list her husbands income because she does not have to.She list her bills as a few grand for her mortgage, utilities are a few hundred, insurance and car payment for the SUV, etc. Her income is NEGATIVE $3500.Clearly, this is not accurate because she does have income from her spouse and spends accordingly but the courts do not see it as such. In their eyes, she is a new mom who needs more money and my boyfriend is the man who will pay for it.What bothers me the most is not knowing when these situations arise.You are happy together, having a great day, laughing etc and then the letter arrives. In an instant your happiness is sucked away because you know what is about to happen. Court proceedings, having to list each and every expense you have, every dime you make, every penny you have saved, every asset you own is up for grabs.Any plans that you had are shot apart in an instant. Having experienced this far too many times I have taken to retreating into myself until the mess is sorted out which can take months. Needless to say this takes a toll on the relationship. I am now 33 years old and 11 years of this has worn me out. I am tired of it, it is like a heavy weight that I have tried to shoulder with him but it has beaten the life out of me.Despite making responsible decisions through out my 33 years of life, working hard to make a good life for myself, saving money, I am unable to live my life as I see fit because of a perfect strangers shitty life choices.Put another way, every shitty choice that either of these women make today, tomorrow, and the future directly impacts my life. If I had it to do all over again I would not.I suppose this is the bottom line, being in a “serious” relationship with a person who has kids forces you to relinquish control over the relationship and at some point your own life.
db27 db27
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years, he has two kids from previous relationships. I love the man, obviously being with him for so long, but if I could go back in time and avoid meeting him… I would. Being with a person who has kids is far more complicated than one can imagine. To be exact, becoming seriously committed to man or woman with kids especially one who does NOT have custody is a constant roller coaster of emotion. Forget about planning a life with this person because his or her life is controlled by the custodial parent. I can only compare it to being on a short leash which is yanked far too often, and when you least expect it , ripping both of you off of your feet. Over the years, I have realized that it does not get easier it gets harder. I used to have this naïve notion that as the kids got older and time passed things would settle down… WRONG. I used to think that life would get better once the kids hit 18 but that was a ridiculous thought as kids do not simply disappear and needs go on forever and become more expensive. We were actually married for a short time.. Yes married. We got a divorce when one of the mothers realized that she could get more money because of my income. Take it from me, the courts say that they do not take a new spouses income into consideration. BULLSHIT. Moreover, they threatened to confiscate my passport and wanted to access to my finances including assets that I own. The man pays child support faithfully plus contributes extra on the side to the mothers directly. But it is never enough.. it is never ever enough. And the ugly nasty dirty truth is, the extra money that they often want has NOTHING to do with the childs needs. Let me give you a personal scenario. Child tells my boyfriend that his mother has gotten married and is pregnant, that they are moving to a new state and are living in a big new house. Six months later a letter arrives from the courts ..she needs more money because her "situation has changed". She quit her job to move and be an at home mom and has no plans of going back to work. She lists on her financial affidavit that her income is zero, she does NOT list her husbands income because she does not have to. She list her bills as a few grand for her mortgage, utilities are a few hundred, insurance and car payment for the SUV, etc. Her income is NEGATIVE $3500. Clearly, this is not accurate because she does have income from her spouse and spends accordingly but the courts do not see it as such. In their eyes, she is a new mom who needs more money and my boyfriend is the man who will pay for it. What bothers me the most is not knowing when these situations arise. You are happy together, having a great day, laughing etc and then the letter arrives. In an instant your happiness is sucked away because you know what is about to happen. Court proceedings, having to list each and every expense you have, every dime you make, every penny you have saved, every asset you own is up for grabs. Any plans that you had are shot apart in an instant. Having experienced this far too many times I have taken to retreating into myself until the mess is sorted out which can take months. Needless to say this takes a toll on the relationship. I am now 33 years old and 11 years of this has worn me out. I am tired of it, it is like a heavy weight that I have tried to shoulder with him but it has beaten the life out of me. Despite making responsible decisions through out my 33 years of life, working hard to make a good life for myself, saving money, I am unable to live my life as I see fit because of a perfect strangers shitty life choices. Put another way, every shitty choice that either of these women make today, tomorrow, and the future directly impacts my life. If I had it to do all over again I would not. I suppose this is the bottom line, being in a “serious” relationship with a person who has kids forces you to relinquish control over the relationship and at some point your own life.
Purr-fect Yoga
Purr-fect Yoga
Janice Dickinson Takes a Jab at Tyra
Janice Dickinson Takes a Jab at Tyra