depends on how serious you were (like if you're actually dumping a long term boyfriend who will be devastated vs. telling a guy you've dated casually for a couple weeks that you're just not that into him and don't feel like going out anymore) and also on proximity

i dumped my long-term (like 3 year off and on) boyfriend for the last time over the phone and i haven't seen him since...but we were on opposite sides of the country due to the fact that i was going to school by that time and our relationship was diminishing and by the time we were in close enough proximity to get together, enough time had passed that i didn't want to open up old wounds so we just never bothered to meet up

A confession, i know it's a cowardly thing to do, but i dumped my ex over the phone, but we only went out for a month so, i think it was a good break up method. Plus the fact, i don't think i could've faced him when i dumped him it would be painful for me to see him said. I'm the kind of person who avoids confrontation and doesn't like seeing hurt. I couldn't stand seeing people hurt because of me. so i did it on the phone. Deleted his number a couple days later....

I broke up with my boyfriend of four years over the phone. He was visiting family in Texas, and I was SO not in love with him, and he was SUCH a tool that I had absolutely no desire to wait to do it in person. Quick and easy.

I've contemplated it whenever my boyfriend and I have gotten into a huge fight over the phone. I don't think there's any rule for it. So many factors have to be considered: length of relationship, distance, issues, etc.

I broke up with my ex over the phone too. But I wasn't ready to end the relationship and he felt we weren't a good fit. After our last fight, I knew I deserved better and doing it over the phone was the only way I could be firm and strong and stand up for myself. And technically, while it was mutual - we broke up because he didn't want to try to make us work so I feel it should have been on my terms. Anyway it was the best decision because when we did meet up face to face - we realized we still care for each other as friends and that we will probably stay in each other's lives. If we did it face to face, I probably would have cut him out of my life.

I was also with a man for three years, and broke up with him over the phone because I was too scared to do it in person.

It needed to be done, whether it was on the phone or in person.. it was the right move.

I think that if you cant stomach doing it in person, then phone is best.

break up sucks no matter how you do it. i dont think doing it over the phone is such a bad idea because i got broken up face to face before and it didnot make me feel any better...

Exactly tomato- if you are the one being dumped - do you really want to be bawling in person? That is why I chose the phone -he thought it was wrong but I told him flat out it was on my terms. He obliged and we both realize it was for the best. I was with him for almost 2 years too.

I have never broken up with someone over the phone. I broke up with my ex who I was with for almost 4 years over an email. He made my life miserable for the last year of our relationship and his favorite thing to do was to pick fights with me over emails while we were at work. One day, I got fed up and told him I didn't want to be with him anymore and that there was no way we were going ever be compatible then I signed out of my email and shut off my cell. I gave him a taste of his own medicine. Of course the conversation continued at home since we lived together but I held my ground. Best thing I ever did for myself.

skigurl, it's funny that you start off by saying it depends how serious you were [ie. long-term vs short-term] and then go on to say that you dumped your boyfriend of 3 years over the phone, cause i feel the same way and did the same thing.
the ex and i dated for over 6 years but we were just completely not into it anymore, never saw each other, hadn't spoken to each other in almost 2 weeks before we broke up [he was even dating another girl but that's a whole other story lol] and it just happened over the phone cause that's how it had to happen. we didn't see each other for another 4-5 months after that, and even then it was only very very briefly at the restaurant that i worked at at the time. and i haven't seen him since then, nor do i want to.
weird how someone can grow to mean so much and then so little.

Unless it's a long distance relationship or it's an abusive/unhealthy/unstable relationship then in person is best.

Yuck. But w/e. Dunno what I saw in her. She's the one that did it. Now, do you mean a phone conversation or a text message break up? XD

if it can be avoided, i really don't think you should go about it that way. just be honest with the person and give them enough respect to at least tell them to their face

I think a phone break-up is only appropriate when you've been dating for a month or less. After a month, you owe them an in-person break-up. And break-ups via email are never OK!!

I've broken up with someone over the phone too, but I didn't feel that bad about it. It was not an exclusive relationship, so I felt this method was appropriate.

I broke up with my ex over the phone. After over 4 years of an LDR I reached my limit and couldn't do it anymore, so I ended it.

jesssa - it definitely would have been in person but we were literally a 5 hour plane ride apart...and he wasnt making any efforts to come see me EVER so i was like, screw this!

It's SO much easier if you can get away with it! Examples of being able to do it: long-distance or short-term jerks.

I did! We dated for about 6 months and when he got abusive I waited until he was 300 miles away, dumped him on the phone and threatened to call the police if he tried to see me. I have no qualms with playing dirty pool when it comes to my safety!

I've told a couple of guys that I casually dated not to call my anymore over the phone, but they were, like, weird stalkers who didn't get the hint. Otherwise, most of my breakups have been in person. Although I did break up with a long-distance boyfriend over the phone in college - whenever we talked he was always buzzed or drunk and I never knew which Tommy I was going to get. One night everything snapped and I told him it was over.

My last was over the phone. I'd told him in person I didn't want the relationship anymore and he cried. I agreed to just try to make it work but was leaving for a long term assignment 4 hours away for work about a month or two later. I knew it wasn't working and he would email/IM me during the day to try to talk about "us". I had to finally just tell him that it was going to be over until he got his act together. Which still hasn't happened, over a year later...

I think that phone breakups are okay when there's a lot of emotion involved. I didn't want to make a scene. In person seems a little too... awkward... in certain situations.

I've done both. I dated a guy who lived in California and after he came out to visit me for a week, I knew things woudn't work out so I broke up with him on the phone after he went back because I didn't realize that things just wouldn't work until he had left and I wasn't about to spend $500 on a plane ticket just to tell him I didn't want to see him again.

I also dumped a guy that I had been seeing for a few months in person. It was SO much harder, but I felt like it needed to happen. I tried to make it as nice-sounding as possible, but he ended up bawling anyways. And I HATE making men cry, so that makes it really hard.

In most situations, I think it's spineless. Sorry.

I had an off and on boyfriend for about three years. Every time we broke up, it was on his terms and over the phone. One of the times it was because we were in different states, but the other two were times which he could have driven to see me. At first I was really upset about it, and I called him a coward, etc.

However, the last time we broke up, even though I cried, it was a relief. I agree with some of the other posters, in that no matter how you break up, there are times when it needs to be over so badly it doesn't matter whether it's in person or not. I was so tired of his bullsh*t that it was almost better that way. At least I knew that he hadn't changed and was still a completely lost child.

My most recent boyfriend had broken up with his girlfriend before me over the phone and I had always told him that if he ever broke up with me I hoped that he would have enough respect for me and the balls to do it to my face. 3 months ago he did and it was way worse than I imagined it would be. He spent four hours hurling insults at me and making me cry. Maybe I should stipulate a phone break up with my next boyfriend.

Only recently did I let go of the guilt from doing this almost 4 years ago...he was my first love, sadly had to end it over the phone freshman year of college. We were together almost 2 1/2 years...for the last year he changed into someone completely unrecognizable; he was obsessive, jealous, manipulative, and basically told me I was his life. At 20, I knew that this was no longer a healthy relationship. Also considering the fact my parents were forced to move across the country when I started college and all the ex could do was cry and yell at me for not calling him on my move-in day...one day I just snapped, didn't return his messages. 37 missed calls later, I knew I had to do the deed. And end it I did. Looking back now, I'm sure I could have handled it better, but at the time, the phone was my ONLY safe resource.

I'm not gonna lie, it was a painful road getting over that one. As in 3 years long kind of painful. I went through a period where I was so completely horrified with myself for ending a relationship THAT LONG over the phone. You live and you learn. I'm a much more empathetic person now as a result.

There are some situations where it's just a necessary evil. I've never done it, but I certainly doubt that I'm above it! And if my ability to dump in person was taken away, voice-to-voice contact is HANDS DOWN a million times more thoughtful, considerate, and polite than firing off an email, which is never okay, in my opinion (same goes for a text message breakup).

I prefer to do it in person. But when someone just wont take the hint, or will refuse to see me, doing it ove the phone may be a better option.

was searching the web for "break up over email" and found this. had to log on to share my story...

my ex and lived together for 4 years, been together for over 6. Had future plans, pets, shared contracts... i was months from engaging her. She went on a trip to visit her cousin for a week. A few days into it, she quit answering her phone or even texting. 3 days later, she texts "i sent you an email". The break up email. Sure it had lots of reasons, some valid, but none had ever come up in a fight or in person before. Refuses to talk for 3 more days, then calls to say good bye and request that i help her figure out pets/contracts/logistics of this whole mess. Then continues to text off and on asking for stuff, i get mad, she says "i still want to be your friend" through it all.

Obviously i got dumped for greener pastures, which she denies. But i just find it UNREAL she expects me to be civil and friendly after that. Do not break up over email. I could have taken a phone conversation much better, perhaps had it in me to stay friendly... but email has no voice tone, no perceptable emotion. No closure. Hope she gets a taste of that some day.

I've been in situations where I'd have LOVED the opportunity for an over the phone break up. My ex broke up with me via FACEBOOK ... by changing his status to single. I found out from a friend calling to see if I was okay, because I was at work. Now THAT is low. (It was a bad relationship to begin with, honestly.)

In general, though, as hard as a face-to-face breakup is, I feel like if you've been emotionally involved with a person for a reasonable amount of time, you really do owe them the courtesy of one.

For a non-serious relationship - fine. If you have been dating more than 3 months? NO!

I have to say, I have done it - or they have - sometimes it's the only way if they are a bit unstable...

Usually I've gone and seen them afterward to discuss it properly and/or sort out returning stuff, but the actual 'look this isn't working' conversation has been over the phone.

I'm a bit worried about all these long-distance phone breakups!

I'm going overseas in a few months and I'm concerned that my fledgling relationship is going to get the over-the-phone breakup treatment while I'm there