Forget global warming. Forget the war in Iraq. Forget the weekend exploits of Britney and her paparazzo love toy. There's a more important horror to hit this nation and we must — I repeat, we must — devise a defense strategy immediately. Giant python snakes have organized a cross-country, sssight-ssseeing road trip that started in Florida and will end in San Francisco by August 2020. This means one thing and one thing only: traffic's gonna be a b*tch. Ssseriously. For more on the story, read here.