When to Commit in a Relationship

"How Do You Know He's 'the One'?"

January 14, 2013

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

How do you "know"? I'm in the beginnings of what I think may be the last relationship I'll ever be in, and that thought scares me a bit — but also makes me happier than ever. I don't believe in soul mates or "the one," but I do believe that two people can be perfect for each other in nearly every way. How do you know that your partner is the person you want to spend your life with?

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5 Comments

honestyAboveAll 17 weeks 4 days

This is a great question and I often ask myself the same thing: how do you know? Well, I guess, just like the rest of the people here commented, you know because you simply feel happy with that person, most of the time. It's your heart that guides you in this game of love, more then anything else. If you feel happy, fulfilled, loved, nurtured and if you can envision yourself spending your life with that person, growing old and having a family, then he or she is the right one for you. If the person relaxes you, makes you feel stronger, more confident, more beautiful and full of life, then it means they compliment you and that's what you really want. If you feel safe and relaxed around them, no matter what, that's an amazing sign. However, it would be nice if we all could find it, if there's that 'perfect' someone for everyone. I believe we should all strive to find it.

Donna Freundt 17 weeks 5 days

You are on the right track with someone when you feel good with that person and there is very little problems in the relationship. Feeling great is a good sign that things are how they are suppose to be. But at the same time you should keep in mind that nothing is ever certain in this world except that you're born and you will die. Just because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, doesn't ever mean you will. The unexpected sometimes happens.

meb563 17 weeks 6 days

For me it wasn't a moment or something you suddenly realize. It was just a feeling I got - from very, very early on in our time together - where I could see my future with him - having a family, growing old, the whole deal. His presence - who he was, at a very fundamental level - made me feel happy and peaceful. It was much more a feeling than the idea that I was visualizing of the specifics. Like the idea of waking up next to him every morning makes me happy, the idea of going through the challenges of kids and marriage and families make me feel happy in the calmest way. I look forward to all of that with him - stuff I wasn't even sure I wanted before. That's not to say there is never drama. We all have lots of issues and baggage independent of relationships - being in a long term relationship definitely brought some issues out for me, and it was a struggle to deal with them. But the feeling remained - I wanted to go through that hard stuff to be the person I needed to be to make our relationship flourish.

Bubbles12 18 weeks 3 days

"I do believe that two people can be perfect for each other in nearly every way." That sounds a little dangerous. Don't expect any human to be close to perfect, it's unfair to everyone. There will be at least one major area of disappointment. That's ok, as long as it isn't destructive. You know you've found someone worth a commitment because the relationship is usually easy, it complements your life, you find yourself growing up in wonderful ways and it doesn't create a lot of drama. When you find someone you get along with, share the same values and love to bonk time races by. If you're always trying to get over or through some big issue, or waiting for him to grow up or wonder what he's up to, that's Mr. Wrong for the Long Term. Imho!

luckyduckyy 18 weeks 4 days

I don't think I can pinpoint the specific time things changed, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him. It seems like things have always been that way, since I've never seriously considered my life without him up to this point. We've been together for a little over 3 years, and we both love each other very much. However, we're not overly lovey-dovey in the sense that we're oblivious to life and its harsh realities: we know there's a possibility we may not be together forever, even though that is what we both want in life for now. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him because even when I'm angry as all hell at him, I still want his hugs and to hold his hand and be by his side. He love me for me, not some idealized version of me. I actually think about the future in such a positive way- all happy, smiling, family, the whole deal- and I imagine that future with him. I have flaws; he does, too, but we're willing to work on them and stick together through thick and thin.

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