What about "you look nice today" followed by "I heard somewhere you should tell one person each day that they look nice".

So, do I really look nice or are you just telling me to fufill your daily quota?

People seem to worship her but Iman's always struck me as a little stuck up...

"You're not at all what I expected...for a black girl."
Huh? Is that a compliment or a slam, is it against only me or every black girl in the world.

great.
what this woman has in beauty, she certainly lacks in class.
and for the record, someone who sounds so stuck up like she does can't be really beautiful. to me, beauty is something you irradiate from within. again, not her case.

whenever I get a backhanded compliment, I call on the person who made it. nothing rude, just say "think what you just said", or something along those lines. there's only one thing worse than being personally offended, and that is to keep it to yourself and not speak up. maybe the person didn't really mean to offend anyone, and will think better before making the same mistake again.

well i'm black and she is saying what everybody is thinking but don't want to say. I'm sorry but michelle Obama facial features are not that appealing to me. She has really strong features. And they make her face look angry. There I said it. But people fail to say it because she is really educated and she appears like a nice person.

"You look great! Did you lose weight?"
this wouldn't bother me...

No, Michael, you are thinking that. Deal with it. She doesn't look angry. What the hell?

Wackdoodle, I've heard the same thing, too. It's definitely a "WTF?{" moment. Stereotypes stink all the way.

My worst is, "You look so different! You look so skinny!" after losing weight. Also after losing weight: "What happened to you? You look like Tom Hanks at the end of 'Castaway.'" And then "You're so emaciated and beautiful." Grrrrr.

Iman doesn't consider herself a great beauty either. She said back in her home country she was considered average looking because there are so many beautiful women in Somalia.

I #5's comment. I don't think Iman was trying to be backhanded at all. MO in my opinion is ugly. She is a smart woman though.

Of course, I really Iman and I don't like MO.

I meant to say I like #5's comment.

I do not think Iman is pretty. I have never thought she was pretty.

Snookyx, I've never seen how Iman is pretty either. Now that she's gone out of her way to call a classy, sophisticated, and smart woman bad-looking, I know for sure that Iman isn't pretty on the outside Or the inside. I respect MO. Earning respect for who you are is more important than being thought of as "beautiful." We all age anyway...who will be beautiful at age 60? The important things are what last.

i think both iman and michelle obama are beautiful in their own ways, although iman is more classically beautiful. and i don't think iman is stuck up, i think she's more sophisticated then people give her credit for.

anyway the most back handed compliment i've received...and this is CONSTANT from white people, is the "you're so articulate!" like the expect me to start rapping or something the minute i open my mouth. i've even been told once or twice "i didn't expect you to be black."

I don't think that's a backhanded compliment...

A backhand whatever is done with malice knowing that the receiver can't come out right and defend her/himself.

To me, is just the way Iman talks. She sees it, she says it. Mrs. Obama is a very hansome woman but not girly beautiful and she has killer arms!

I don't agree with some of these 'backhanded' compliments.

My former mother-in-law had just been released from a week's stay in the hospital when she came for Thanksgiving dinner. Her comment about my delicious meal was "it's better than hospital food!"

Haha, Barbara -- that's awful !

I will never be offended by someone asking if I've lost weight.

Although once I was offended when someone told me in Spanish that I look thinner in skirts than in pants. She wanted to make sure I understood, so she used hand gestures. The gestures were not encouraging, to say the least.

haha. Once I was told "Oh my god you look so pretty I almost didn't recognize you!!"..... so I look great today... but every other day of my life not so much....

Haha you just have to laugh it off

Personally I don't find Iman attractive at all, so I'll take what she says about looks with a grain of salt.

i think the point, and it seemed to be missed by some, is that it was a backhanded compliment. As my mother always said if you have noting nice to say then shut the hell up. The problem is people open their mouth and just talk like people give a damn when most of the time NO ONE CARES. In this case Iman could have just spoken on MO intelligence or whatever she thinks her positives are. There was no need to say she isn't a great beauty. Also there is no great beauty that is not a real thing....

i read this yesterday when i got the parade and i was like, umm okayyyyy i didnt know what to make of the comment.

"You have long hair for a black girl."

Idk it just rubbed me the wrong way and the constant questioning if it is really mine.

A woman in my exercise class once said to me, "What do you use on your eyes?"

I answered, "Oh, just a little shadow and mascara."

She then said, "Oh, no, I meant for your wrinkles." And then the next class she brought me a little sample of some eye serum. Gee, thanks so much!

I was 35 at the time. She (besides being a not-very-attractive woman herself) was seriously older than me. As in, her daughter was a HIGH SCHOOL classmate of mine.

I've worked in the fashion industry for a long time. My first job was a window dresser for a big department store...My gay boss would always say "everyone loves your work, they are always surprised when I tell them you're black!"

Truthfully, I don't remember the backhanded compliments I received. I let them go whenever I hear them. I don't take them to heart. In my opinion, those compliments say more about the giver than the receiver.

For instance, with Iman, to me, her comment tells me she's a rather ugly person. She may be beautiful on the outside, but she's ugly ON THE INSIDE. To me, this makes Iman an ugly person. Her statement speaks to the nature of her heart and her personality. This leads me to think that she knows little about human beauty. Thus, her assessment of Michelle Obama has little credibility.

Incidentally, to me, Michelle Obama seems lovely on the outside AND inside. Thus, she trumps Iman in the human beauty department. JMHO.

You did a great job! ... for a girl.

Ugh. How offensive.

I don't think I have ever received a backhanded compliment. Ever.

However, Ms. Obama to me is lovely. She is pretty on the outside and seems to have a wonderful personality. That woman, Iman, I do not find her outwardly attractive, probably because on the inside she seems like a snake. A positive, friendly, happy attitude is way more attractive than plastic surgery, a new dye job or makeup of any kind. She cannot be pretty on the outside because she is ugly on the inside.

I think it was a relative of mine, she was looking at pictures of me and my high school friends (I was still in high school when she told me this, but I Remembered it until I'm in my 30s), and she said:

"You're actually attractive, if only you're thinner, you'd be the prettiest one amongst your friends!"

LOL.

She also sneaked this one in too awhile too:

"Oh it's good that you have such small eyes, people can't notice when you're sleepy."

Where is she now?

I personally don't think the "you age so well" compliment is back-handed...

I get told all the time that I look way younger than I am-- and I choose to take it as a compliment.

"Don't worry about your looks. At least you're smart."

"You've lost weight! You look SO amazing now!"

"I like your...eyes..."

"You've gotten great grades in school and made it all the way through college without getting pregnant by some schmuck - you're doing pretty well compared to most black girls."

Ugh. These are punch-in-the-face-worthy.

Ok, seriously though, if Michelle Obama wasn't our first lady, and just some random actress on TV, more people would be agreeing with Iman's comment. Michelle Obama is not beautiful, but appears attractive to us only because we know how smart, hard working and compassionate she is. So, I do understand what Iman is trying to say here, BUT, I don't think she should have said it in public. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all!

" You're beautiful... on the inside"

Oh, I forgot my FAVORITE:

[to my mom, who was 42, and I, when I was 13, shopping for clothes in a dept. store]
Another shopper: "Oh my goodness! I thought you all were SISTERS in college! YOU [pointing at ME] look SO MATURE for your age!"
[Great, now I look like I'm at least 12 years older than I am. Thanks. People still imply this TO THIS DAY. I get mistaken for my brother's MOM. Ugh.]

its not an intentional...i don't think their was malice behind what Iman said..

Not sure if it would technically be classified as a backhanded compliment since the insult part was completely apparent.

For those of you who are not familiar with living in a gay community the obsession with body image is absolutely off the charts. If you are a gay man living in a gay community and your stomach is not flat if not rippled than you might as well be obese and call it a day. I was twenty four oh so many years ago in a gay bar enjoying my self when I took notice of two handsome men five feet away talking and taking notice of me. I over heard one say to the other "he's really hot" however the other replied "yeah but he's fat" now mind you I was not the least bit fat by any normal standard of the measure but remember I was in a gay bar in a gay community. As if calling me fat was not enough he felt the need to demonstrate so that his friend never again forget the principles of gay attraction. He proceeded to walk over and pinch what little pudg he could gather between his thumb and index finger looked back to his friend and said "see". Then walked back and fell into conversation as if the person whose self esteem he just assaulted with the up most cruelty in a room full of people never existed. In that moment I was alone stripped down and humiliated beyond my wildest imagination. It took me years to get over sometimes crippling self esteem issues after that incident but when I realized that what he did to me was only confined to that one moment and all the hurt I carried with me I had done to myself I was finally free from that experience. Hold your heads high ladies because we're all beautiful.

Hum my mum, looking at a photograph of me said "yeah you're pretty on it, you hair are good, you smile nicely... It feels like it's not you!" hum, ok mum.

You're pretty hot, even though you're not thin'
'you've gained weight but it looks good' (unless its a drastic change why even mention that)
'You're a very pretty black girl, very fine features'
'you're kind of thick but you've got great boobs'
'wow you're smart' (so what ? one can't be attractive AND smart)

Hi Hypno...I've been in the clubs, and I've seen some vicious stuff. As a woman in the company of my brother, I got it a few times...when I flamed back meaner and harder, I earned my respect. Oh the fat thing...I'm a size 12 (fat black b*tch).

Being a woman in a male dominated field, I'm lucky to be complimented at all...even in a backhanded way.

Personally, I don't think MO is a 'great beauty.' Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder? Isn't Iman entitled to her opinion...or is that no longer the case?

CHOOCHOO... I think Iman is entitled to her opinion, but - in MY opinion - why did she bother saying it at all? I mean, what was the context?

How is that a backhanded compliment? In a backhanded compliment, the "insult" is supposed to be subtle. "she's not a great beauty" is neither an insult nor a backhanded compliment.

I think Gossip Queen has it right. She is what I would describe as a handsome woman. her features are not delicate like say Hedi Klum who has a nose so tiny it looks like you could crush it with a pinch. She has a great sense of style and carries herself well which makes me find her more beautiful.

I would love to be considered interesting looking. Most people I really think are lovely are what I would consider interesting looking (Reese Witherspoon, Uma Thurman, etc.) I love a non-cookie cutter face and fun personality.

I forgot to add my backhanded complimet:
You'd look a lot smaller if your breasts weren't so big.

I know. I mean I'm a size 14 so I am techincally fat anyway but they are also really big so that just means I look that much fatter. Thanks.

I was told by a friend that I knew since elementary school: "Wow you look great! You really grew into your nose".

Uh, thanks.

"You're the prettiest red head I've ever seen!"

um, thanks?

I once got "you have a nose people get plastic surgery for" it sounds good, but was just the oddest compliment I've ever gotten. I think it was good, but wasn't sure if she was implying that I had in fact had plastic surgery (which I haven't). She also added she was from L.A. and therefore would know about plastic surgery. Good I suppose, just strange...

GKitty per comment #30, if you're asking me where she is now, the answer is she has passed away. About a year or two ago. I heard it was a complication of a plastic surgery, but I'm not sure if that's the case or she's just an older woman and well, it was her time.
I guess I can call her a relative, she's my dad's aunt's sister-in-law, wheww, what a relation that is.
No wonder I'm not too keen on having family during any sort of party, they all have lovely 'backhanded compliments.'

Meh, Iman's just speaking her mind. MO heard worse.

The worst backhanded compliment I've recieved:
My grandmother (when I was 12): You have a kid's body and a fat face, but you're still a petty girl

Gee, thanks grandma.