What to Do If His Family Dislikes You?

Family Feud: What to Do If His Family Dislikes You?

January 26, 2010

Whether your boyfriend's mother doesn't like you because she dislikes just about everyone, or his sister has had issues with you dating back to high school, a significant other's less-than-welcoming family can tax even the best relationship. Sometimes you can win them over, and other times it's not even worth it. How have you dealt?

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31 Comments

2 years 10 weeks

my boyfriends dad doesnt like me because my boyfriends cousin always tells him im cheating when im not currently she said it again and well this is tearing me apart he wont even freaken trust me now he told me you dont want me close to her cause you dont want me to find out the truth truth is im not cheating i always talk about him telling people how i cant wait to marry him and have kids with him ive changed i dont really talk to much of my friends any more i got tired of her talking mess top it all off shes the biggest hoe ever!

2 years 30 weeks

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. His parents have hated me the entire time. When I was a freshmen he and I made very bad decisions and cheated on each other. Now days we are very loyal. His sister is only two grades beneath us, and she insists to follow in her father's saying of "Once a cheater, always a cheater" If his family can't find any dirt on me about cheating, they go on to use the excuse that we're no good together. We're not some high school couple that asks advice in our relationship, we're both nineteen years old now and are frankly f*cking sick of all the bullsh*t they try to push on us. If his little sister isn't demanding that I've cheated on him with one guy or another, she's running to me saying she's my best friend and that I should know he cheated! It's ludicrous! One time she let out the real reason why she hates me: She said I "took her big brother away". I don't know about the rest of the world, but most of the co-ed siblings I know aren't that close at 16 & 19. His father has told him I am the worst thing that's ever happened to him and thinks it's hilarious to make fun of me every time I'm around, and his lazy mother just listens to all of this without intervening. Not only does his father put me down, he screams at the top of his lungs to his family almost every day. He works hours away and if he is ever home; we leave the house to miss the blow-up. At this point, after so long of putting up with this; i told him I'm just going to leave him if it continues. He tries to tell them to stay out of our relationship but they will not listen to him. Sometimes he doesn't even want to go home because he knows they will bombard him with rumors and lies. I love him more than he knows, but is it really worth being treated inferior for the rest of my life?

2 years 31 weeks

My boyfriend and I have been togather for 9 months and his family have always hated me soo much, I dont even know why!! He always tells me "no dont worry they like you i talked to them about you, they wanna meet you" but when i call for him at home they lie to me and say he's not home and hang up on on me. I know he lies to me when he says they like me which makes me upset because i reaaaalllly want them to like me, I love him so much and it sux when his family that he Loves sooo much hate me :( I dont know what to do anymore... :(

2 years 46 weeks

I have had various problems with my boyfriends family, especially his sister. He tells me not to take things personally when she doesnt say hi to me etc. Recently she said lots of nasty things about me behind my back and my thoughts were proven. Just now its trying to get though to his mum about how i feel, this is hard due to problems in the past. Im always told to ignore it etc. But i dont know what to do. Me and my boyfriend split up once before, i really dont want that to happen again. Any advice on what to do?

2 years 47 weeks

My best friend mom hated me !! she taught of me as bad influence since we used to drink she taught i made him do it to her son she would tell me mean stuff behind his back and act like she's just giving me some councling when he appears she would tell me to get a boyfriend already and to leave him alone since he lived far awyay from me i would come over she would also tell my bestfriend sister and brother mean stuff about me so they would not talk to me (but they did) and since I knew she started to dislike me as soon as I arrive in my friends house I imidiatley would go to his room till so iwould not see her I was that traumatize unfurtunatley she passed away two months ago and the last time we talk she told me she didnt Like me i feel awful havin to feel this guilt I never truly hated her I was bothered why she was like with me and little did she knew her son was gay sure we've done stuff but all in all he is my gay best friend and the other part is that my friend didn't do anything about he always tought that his mom did like me....but i don't think ill ever tell him this...and go hurt his feelings thata the last thing I want. Y I

2 years 48 weeks

my boyfriends mother and sister dont like me. i think if things dont get better ( if they dont treat me kinder) breaking up is the next step. he doesnt stand up for me and he thinks that they do like me ( i feeel the negative energy) he just tells me that so i will come over more and then maybe they will like me. they never compliment me, hardly talk to me, they cant find out when he buys me gifts and he tells me not to tell them so what does that show? um that they dont like it when he buys me gifts. some people are just jelouse people and have their own oppinions

3 years 2 weeks

My boyfriends family dislikes me for no reason. They make up stuff to put me down and say that I'm a bad person because of my past and who I used to hang out with. The new thing, we graduate in less than 4 weeks and my boyfriend's mom doesn't want to give my boyfriend the money for prom tickets so I can't walk at graduation. If that's not fucked up, I dont know what is. There's so much more, but it's really personal I guess. All I know is it's the hardest thing to deal with, because I have to deal with my boyfriend being mad at his family over me, plus i have to deal with their judgemental behavior that's far from the truth. There's time I just cry, because I can't do anything about it. It's not my place to say anything about my boyfriend's family, so I don't. But it's getting to the point where I don't want to hold back.

3 years 6 weeks

My first Christmas dinner with my boyfriends family made me realize that they don't like me (well, mostly his mom). I realized this when for a while, he had to leave me a bit because she was talking to him in private...and he looked annoyed. It felt awkward. Even if he didn't tell me what was going on at that time, I could feel like people there were watching me/us. We talked about it till a couple of days later when we were alone. At first, I could tell he was concerned (the family is pretty close, and he is the "good boy"). But I told him I would love for his family to like me, but if they don't, for whatever reason they have against me, I can't do anything about it. At the end of the day, his family's acceptance of me is secondary to us being good together. If they see that he is happy, they'll accept it later on. I would never ask him to choose between me and his family, but if he wants me to be part of his life, then my condition is that I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable of their dislike towards me. Right now, it's as if his family's dislike of me is just "one of those things." We both acknowledge it, but aren't so bothered. He doesn't hide the fact that we are together. And I know for a fact that on at least one occasion he told his family that should just stop and that they simply don't know me. That I am nothing like whatever negative they imagine me to be. For me, that's what mattered most. I can't defend myself against his family, he has to do that for me. And he does. He recently got a job offer at a different country. He proposed that I go with him, so we can be with each other without interference, and that the rest of the world will just have to deal with us being together and away from them. I haven't given me decision, but I'm leaning towards yes :)

3 years 9 weeks

My boyfriend's mom liked me at the beginning of our relationship. Then once he moved away from home to continue his college education, she up and started calling me a loser. We've been together for 2 years now and I've been putting up with this for quite some time. She will only refer to me as "her" or his "friend". I am graduating soon with my Associate's degree and will be continuing on with my Bachelor's. It's just his mom too, the rest of his family seems to like me. I know it's because he's an only child and I'm a strong woman, but it still is frustrating. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Keddle 3 years 16 weeks

My mother in law can't stand me. She phoned a few months ago to find out if my husband had left me yet and didn't realize until the end of the phone call that she was actually talking to my husband. My husband told her if she sought professional counseling we'd have a relationship with her but she never did and she's blamed me for it ever since. Luckily my husband has always been supportive of our relationship and hasn't let her trying to destroy it gain any ground.

Autumns_Elegy 3 years 16 weeks

My boyfriends parents don't like me. So far it seems like they dislike a number of things about me. I'm agnostic, a messy person, I love to cook, I don't have my full drivers license even though I'm 20, I have a casual job while I study instead of a full time job and part time study, I read violent thriller novels, I love sex, and I absolutely hate clean jeans and don't mind getting covered in dirt. I'm the complete opposite of them in almost every way and either they found that quite confronting or some of my views clashed with theirs in all the wrong ways. As such I'm not allowed over there and his parents tend to kick up a fuss when my partner and I want to hang out. I handle it by being super friendly and polite when in their company, and stand up for myself. I'm not gonna change to please them, I'm not dating them, I'm dating their son! (Who loves my cooking so :p)

Autumns_Elegy 3 years 16 weeks

My boyfriends parents don't like me. So far it seems like they dislike a number of things about me.I'm agnostic, a messy person, I love to cook, I don't have my full drivers license even though I'm 20, I have a casual job while I study instead of a full time job and part time study, I read violent thriller novels, I love sex, and I absolutely hate clean jeans and don't mind getting covered in dirt.I'm the complete opposite of them in almost every way and either they found that quite confronting or some of my views clashed with theirs in all the wrong ways. As such I'm not allowed over there and his parents tend to kick up a fuss when my partner and I want to hang out.I handle it by being super friendly and polite when in their company, and stand up for myself. I'm not gonna change to please them, I'm not dating them, I'm dating their son! (Who loves my cooking so :p)

gLam shortie 3 years 16 weeks

My boyfriend's mother absolutely HATES ME!!!For some reason, she got the impression that I was "too materialistic" because I like to buy nice things for myself....Um, so because I go to college, make money for myself, and live on my own and pay my own bills, she thinks I'm "too materialistic". Whatever. Anyhow, we had our fair share of arguments...she has made me cry and I have made her cry as well. My boyfriend is so static on this one, because he says he "doesn't know what to do". I personally think he should stick up for me, since ultimately, I'm the one who's going to spend the rest of his life with!!! Ladies, you just have to ignore the fact that your MIL is a BITCH, and she may never like you. It's not you, but it's just her complex problem within....just because you happen to be dating her "only son". I say just be "civil and respectful", but you don't need to put up with her shit. Just remember that you love your BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND....and it doesn't mean you have to like his mother.

gLam shortie 3 years 16 weeks

My boyfriend's mother absolutely HATES ME!!! For some reason, she got the impression that I was "too materialistic" because I like to buy nice things for myself.... Um, so because I go to college, make money for myself, and live on my own and pay my own bills, she thinks I'm "too materialistic". Whatever. Anyhow, we had our fair share of arguments...she has made me cry and I have made her cry as well. My boyfriend is so static on this one, because he says he "doesn't know what to do". I personally think he should stick up for me, since ultimately, I'm the one who's going to spend the rest of his life with!!! Ladies, you just have to ignore the fact that your MIL is a BITCH, and she may never like you. It's not you, but it's just her complex problem within....just because you happen to be dating her "only son". I say just be "civil and respectful", but you don't need to put up with her shit. Just remember that you love your BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND....and it doesn't mean you have to like his mother.

GlowingMoon 3 years 16 weeks

I identify with Yogaforlife. As far as my family, I cut out relatives who were unkind to my husband. I took their behavior as being disrespectful towards me (for dissing my beloved husband). Also, I decided to distance myself from these relatives out of loyalty to my husband (if that makes sense). Likewise, my husband does the same for me when it comes to his family. My husband mentioned that he was willing to do that for me because I did that for him with my family.

GlowingMoon 3 years 16 weeks

I identify with Yogaforlife.As far as my family, I cut out relatives who were unkind to my husband. I took their behavior as being disrespectful towards me (for dissing my beloved husband). Also, I decided to distance myself from these relatives out of loyalty to my husband (if that makes sense).Likewise, my husband does the same for me when it comes to his family. My husband mentioned that he was willing to do that for me because I did that for him with my family.

singlesuzanne 3 years 16 weeks

I am very lucky my boyfriend's parents like me (or seem to) and treat me well. I was really nervous about meeting them the first time, but I love them!

Frootchinator 3 years 16 weeks

whoops! I was going to say, in the past I have gotten along much better with my ex's families than the exes!

Frootchinator 3 years 16 weeks

I currently get along well with my boyfriend's family. I don't see them often (they live far away) but when I do they are very kind to me.In the past,

Frootchinator 3 years 16 weeks

I currently get along well with my boyfriend's family. I don't see them often (they live far away) but when I do they are very kind to me. In the past,

Amigone 3 years 16 weeks

My boyfriend's sister doesn't like me. We don't really know why. She's just not a fan. I just ignore it. It hasn't been a thing in our realtionship although my boyfriend did let me know that he would talk to her about it becuase HE'S not happy about it. I was not pushing the issue.

LeftosDotCom 3 years 16 weeks

It's very hard to win people over after you make a first impression. According to the post on our site, http://www.leftos.com/forum/view/407 , it's important that your significant other stands up for you and vouches for you. It also depends on how close your significant other is with the family member who disapproves of you. If you have a boyfriend who is attached to his mothers hip and the definition of a mama's boy, then it's going to be hard for him to ultimately stick with someone who his mother disapproves of. On the other hand, if he isn't that close with the family member or is just very independent then what they say what have as much weight on his decision. Look at the situation you're in and try to analyze why they don't approve and if your SO relies too much on that person in his life. It may give you a better outlook.

LeftosDotCom 3 years 16 weeks

kia 3 years 16 weeks

Easy we don't live near any of our family so this issue only rears its head when we allow it. :)

ManiMartinixo 3 years 16 weeks

My boyfriend is temporarily moving back in with his mother to get away from his current roommates and while I'm excited to have him 3 hours closer to me I'm nervous about meeting his family. I hope they like me but I'll see.

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