Wear Low-Rise Jeans Forever With the Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield

A Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield Is What Every Girl Needs

April 16, 2010

How low can you go? The only thing classier than letting your "gluteal cleft" hang out of low-rise jeans is covering it up with a decorative patch. You can choose from butterflies, chandeliers, fleur de lis, hearts, and peace signs (what, no whale tail?) and dress like it's 1999 well into the 21st century.

I'd say this is a joke, but a publicist is looking for someone to take on designer Kimberlily, maker of Backtacular, as a client. After all, it's not just for looks! "It’s a hypoallergenic adhesive patch" that is "applied directly to the skin above the gluteal cleft area of the buttocks."

And now I'm not sure if it's supposed to be an appeal to sex or public health!

21 Comments

2 years 28 weeks

Gross, I'm 19 and I don't wear those nasty skanky low-rise things, I'm tall and thin and they make my legs look short and stumpy, high rises make my legs look longer and my waist tinier.

3 years 3 weeks

How about fat chicks wear jeans that fit. Skinny girls usually don't have the butt crack problem with low rise jeans.

cherryk 3 years 5 weeks

Umm no thanks, I'd rather wear an extra-long tank top than wear one of those stick-on tramp stamps.

vanilla19 3 years 5 weeks

You know what else would work? Pull up your pants.

Venus1 3 years 5 weeks

If I saw this on someone before reading this I would think it was for a medical condition.

tlsgirl 3 years 5 weeks

Oh lord. Buy some dang jeans that fit you properly. If I saw a girl wearing this in public I think I might point and laugh.

spacekatgal 3 years 5 weeks

Haha. Love it Skigurl. ^_^ But yeah, that's so trashy!

spacekatgal 3 years 5 weeks

Haha. Love it Skigurl. ^_^ But yeah, that's so trashy!

fuzzles 3 years 5 weeks

This is exactly why drive-by spackling should be legal.

3 years 5 weeks

good one

jenni5 3 years 5 weeks

So are they reusable? Or is it like a bandaid kind of thing? Either way if you need one maybe you should look for a higher rise jean.

skigurl 3 years 5 weeks

ok gran

skigurl 3 years 5 weeks

ok gran

MissSushi 3 years 5 weeks

lol.. i want one with glitter.

3 years 5 weeks

skigurl - please do not use the lord's name in that way

ShaynaLeah 3 years 5 weeks

I'm waiting for the follow up gluteal birth control patch...although I can't imagine anyone finding someone wearing that attractive/sane, so perhaps it already fulfills that function!

ShaynaLeah 3 years 5 weeks

I'm waiting for the follow up gluteal birth control patch ...although I can't imagine anyone finding someone wearing that attractive/sane, so perhaps it already fulfills that function!