We Got Married Because I Was Pregnant

Sunday Confessional: We Got Married Because I Was Pregnant

August 29, 2010

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

Eleven-year bf cheated for 6 years. Broke up, then married because I was pregnant, but then miscarried. Should I now try to make marriage work?

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15 Comments

RoseAnglaise 1 year

Let's not make an innocent baby pay the price for his/ her father's being a lowdown dirty dog.

kristinasMommy2010 2 years

I'm not sure if the statement means you and your bf have been together for 11 years and you've been cheating for 6 of them or he has.

skigurl 2 years

It depends if you want to make it work, but it seems like you probably don't, so just get out of it before kids come back into play.

2 years

wow, OP don't listen to the comments of anonymous. there's no reason to be cruel although obviously some can't help their own nature. the brevity of your (the OP's) description and lack of details makes it really easy to simplify what really happened to you, and (for some people) to judge your actions. i really don't think there's enough information to give advice. do you love him? does he love you? why not have an abortion instead of marriage to a professed cheater? how did he react to the miscarriage? does he even know? based on the pure facts as you have delivered them to us, it seems like this guy is disrespectful, unkind, insensitive, lacking character and discipline, and weak-willed. does that sound like someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with? also, these things are not going to change. i believe some people can change, but only the ones who have the commitment and the backbone and he does not seem to have either.

RioVonWolf 2 years

If you want an open relationship then get an annulment and better birth control.

medenginer 2 years

He cheated and you got married because of a pregnancy. Two wrongs don't make it right. Don't stay in a marriage for the wrong reasons.

postmodernsleaze 2 years

If the pregnancy was the only reason you married him, and now it is no longer, and you even have to ask whether you should try to make it work, I would have to say the answer is no. There is nothing keeping you in this marriage anymore. Don't get stuck in an unhappy life when you still have a chance to be really happy.

juicebox07 2 years

This is one of the reasons why you don't marry just because you're pregnant. Sounds like the relationship wasn't working. Marriage isn't going to change that.

stylinfabqueen 2 years

This is just another situation where people think marriage will fix everything. If he just go married to you because you were pregnant not that your not, the marriage is meaningless to him and he's going to start cheating again. You can try if you dare but I doubt its going to work out unless he truly married you out of love not just because you were carrying his child.

2 years

i think if your are really unhappy in this relationship you should not stay with him. cheaters are always cheaters

spacekatgal 2 years

"Should I try to make my marriage work?" Gods, if you even have to ask that, it's doomed. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but marriage takes so much tending to. It's based on respect, and after that it's based on working to be the best partner you can be. If you're not committed to your marriage after kids, you probably never will be.

Studio16 2 years

If you have to ask, the answer is no.

Pistil 2 years

Don't worry, I don't think you're a man-trapper as was suggested. Do you want to make it work? My first impression is no. You don't sound too happy and you have no reason to stay in an unhappy relationship. Life is too short for that.

Rasberry Sorbet 2 years

I would say I think the above comment is a bit harsh. I think you have invested a lot of time and love into someone who doesnt deserve you. 11 years is a long time. And your boyfriend probably acknowledges what he does and cons his way back into your life after you break up with him. Maybe you lived together before you got pregnant because you spend a lot of time together and after 11 years with one person, that is bound to happen. Im sure your family or friends are involved and may have pressured you two to finally get married. I think you also put the fire to him. It basicly sounds like he did this out of obligation. I also think that you wouldnt have spent that much time with him if you were in it to marry. So now that the pregnancy is gone, you should take some time and take care of yourself. I understand the need to reflect on life and wonder if the foundation of the marriage is set on nothing solid. Communication with him is key. If he wants to stay in this and be committed I suggest couples counseling or spiritual marriage counseling. I really think you both need to learn what is a healthy relationship and have an objective 3rd party help you learn the skills and practice it. It is essential because if you plan on staying together and bringing future children into this, you need to make this important growth. Loving partners should flow like harmony and melody in a song.. you should work together and not be with each other out of necessity or to prevent lonliness or obligation. No one should try to possess the other. Real love is work. Real love is unconditional and honestly loving each other for the people we are, inspite of our flaws. Also seek counseling for yourself if you are confused and dont know what you want. If you dont think hes a good guy for you and using you or not respecting or valuing you, then go to therapy to address low self esteem. You want to stop this cycle and attract a partner that totally respects and will honor you..make music with you. You have time to change if you want to. People make mistakes...If you decide to leave, dont feel guilty and dont think about what others would say or do. This is your life and you have to live it.

GregS 2 years

So much info... Just WHY did you get married? Because you were preg to a cheat? Did you expect a change or something? That's 2 mistakes made - getting preg and then getting married because of it. The 3rd was getting back with him after you broke up presumably due to his cheating. So now you've been married 2 or 3 months say, and you're asking if you should try to make it work? I think you need some serious self-evaluation. You are obviously NOT committed to this marriage if you're asking the question. One can only imagine what his thought process is. My guess is that he's still cheating (pure guess) and is about as committed as you are to marriage. It sounds like you trapped him into it, and now your trap is broken.

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15 Comments