Vital Information With Lori Beth Denberg Quotes

by Annie Scudder 1

The gang from All That, the '90s kids' answer to SNL, will be back on TV July 25 when Nickelodeon rolls out its new rerun schedule with a lineup that also includes Kenan & Kel, The Amanda Show, Clarissa Explains It All, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Rugrats, and Salute Your Shorts. One regular All That sketch is sure to withstand the test of time: "Vital Information For Your Everyday Life," starring Lori Beth Denberg. Lori's completely random, sometimes useful, and generally hilarious advice still holds true today. Before she returns to TV, let's take a look at how we can apply her vital information to our love lives. And if you want to catch a clip before the show comes back on air, check out the video above.

Dating Etiquette

• "At fine restaurants, it's considered rude to butter yourself."
• "If you're on a first date with somebody, never stick your finger in their spaghetti, twirl it, and holler, 'Lookie, date, I'm makin' sketti circles!'"
• "If you're telling a guy a story and he starts to choke, don't say 'Look dude, I'm right in the middle of my story.'"

Breakups

• "Breaking up is hard to do. Breaking a dozen eggs with a sledgehammer is fun."
• "Revenge is sweet. Not as sweet as 10 pounds of sugar!"
• "All is fair in love and war. All is smelly in a closet full of baboons."

Personal Appearance

• "Girls, it's a bad idea to fill your bra with water and goldfish and then tell people you've invented the 'Double Cup Aquarium.'"
• "If your bra is too tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is too tight, I'm uncomfortable."

Female/Male Relations

• "Girls don't like it when boys take their sandwich and run away screaming 'Hey look who's got your sandwich now.'"
• "Never kick a man when he's down. Just look at him and scream 'Hey, get up you down on the ground weirdo.'"
• "It's easy to milk a cow. It's weird to milk a toothless hippie named Maurice."