With The To Do List out today, we've got two things on the brain: virginity and the '90s (which, depending on when you "lost it," could be connected). We've had a lot of first-time-related questions brought up in our Group Therapy community, and our helpful readers have been quick to share their words of wisdom on the topic. See some of our most popular virginity dilemmas below, and click through for advice on everything from being a 40-year-old virgin to lying to your partner about not having sex!
Should I Say That I'm a Virgin on My Dating Profile?
"In some way, I feel like deleting it would be to shame myself ('Ha, I'm 21 and still a virgin, what a loser. Let me hide this information away, far, far away!') But on the other hand, I can see how it can be TMI."
My Fiancé Thinks I'm a Virgin, but I'm Not
"Out of fear of losing him, I made a horrible error and lied about my own sexual history. I told him that I, too, was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage, when in fact, I had had sex with two other guys. It's now two years later and just over a month away from our wedding. Can I ever be forgiven if I continue this secret and never tell him?"
Keep reading for more virginity FAQs.
I'm a 40-Year-Old Virgin
"I am feeling offended and I feel like I missed out on life. What I believed was right for a long time somehow the world is telling that it was silly. I don't know how to cope with this and I'm very embarrassed to tell anyone anymore."
Never Had Sex . . . What Should I Expect?
"What was it like your first time? I am so nervous just thinking about it. Please don't lecture me about not telling him or waiting longer for someone 'special.' I won't change my mind, I'd just really appreciate knowing what I'm doing."
Does a Pap Smear Hurt If You're a Virgin?
"Apparently when they do pap smears they check your uterus — I have a feeling that the whole breaking my hymen with a metal speculum is going to hurt. (Just a feeling, of course . . . ) Does anyone have any advice/wisdom/warnings to calm my nerves before the dreaded exam?"
Can You Ever Be Ready to Lose Your Virginity?
"Everything has fallen into place for me to finally lose my virginity in peace, the only problem is that after five years I am still totally freaked out about losing the big 'V.' I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he said he understood and that he was a little scared too even though he lost his virginity years before we ever met. He said being my first was a lot of pressure for him as well, and he just doesn't want me to regret it."
I'm the Only Virgin of All My Friends
"Has anyone here waited to have sex and have it turn out to be a good decision? What if graduate college and I'm still a virgin, and I have to go out into the real world being so inexperienced? What a joke. I'd cry."
How Do I Tell Him I Am a Virgin?
"It is clear that neither of us want anything serious other than someone to have fun with both sexually and emotionally as we got along very well. I really want to go meet up with him again and am keen for a casual fling. My major worry is how do I explain I am a virgin to him? I also don't want to put any pressure on him or anything and because I like him as a person I don't want it to make things awkward, in turn I don't want him to wonder what's wrong with me and why I am still a virgin."
Help, I'm Dating a Virgin!
"I look at him as a way to get back to the me I used to be before college, but at the same time I am so scared. I don't know what to do, how to make him comfortable, how to 'teach' him once we do start moving ahead, or how to talk to him about my past and his virginity."
I Didn't Tell Him I Was a Virgin
"I didn't know whether to tell him or just go with it well I decided to just go with it and not let him know. I suppose because I was embarrassed of the whole being 22 and a virgin. So I was wondering: should I have told him or do I still tell him or did he figure that out with me not being experienced?"
Should I Tell Him I'm Inexperienced?
"Would a guy who's had quite a bit of experience, and has been in several long-term relationships, ever want to be with a 26-year-old virgin who hasn't been in a relationship? How and when should I tell a guy that I'm not experienced?"
Am I Missing Out?
"Since both being in our very early 20s, you would expect that we both had experience; when I broke the news to her that I was a virgin from head to toe, she kinda felt sorry for me. I don't really feel sorry for myself because I haven't been kissed or done anything with a guy, she just made it seem like it is this wonderful experience that I was missing out on. So my question is: am I really missing out?"
I'm Embarrassed That I'm Still a Virgin
"After a string of bad dates, I just feel very discouraged and stigmatized. I was talking with a friend of a friend and she asked me if I'd ever had a threesome. When I told her that I'd never even had a twosome, she just kind of stared at me and silence fell over us."