We've already seen one desperate diva attempt to use 911 as a telephone dating service. If you thought that was an anomaly, wait until you hear some dumbass call in for directions or another dumbass call in for baking instructions. One chick almost got it right when she called to report a violent altercation between two men — in a movie. Most would argue that these calls don't qualify as emergencies, but if people are truly this dimwitted, then I beg to differ. These callers need serious help. Now.