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Turning Into My Mom

"I'm Afraid of Turning Into My Mom"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Someone please help me. I have some family issues. Let me start off with my mom. I love my mom, but I can't stand the way she is. Her thoughts are very old fashioned. Let me give some examples. She said I can't move out until I'm married (which is totally not going to happen, I plan to move out when I'm 25 married or not). She doesn't let me or my brother go to clubs because according to her people put drugs in your drinks and start fights with you (I know both of these two things happen but I mean come on I know better) so once my brother went and she practically disowned him for like a week.

She shows me off everywhere saying that I could do this and that and that. She is very judgmental of other people, and when I don't agree with her she gets mad. She could find any excuse to fight with us, if a fly passes by she could pick a fight about it. Her facial expression is always tired, sad, angry. I'm tired of it, I love her but I can't stand her ways. I'm scared that I'm going to end up being like her. I know I could choose the way I live my life, but monkey see monkey do. I'm already starting to notice some things that I do that she does. But then again she's practically all I have in the country we live in.

I do have a brother and a stepfather but my stepfather prefers to be with his family and my brother prefers to be with his girlfriend's family. So I'm left alone with her, since I don't have a boyfriend or that many friends and I feel bad if I leave her alone.

Speaking of my brother I'm so disappointed in him because today we came back from a little gathering his girlfriend's family had. And oh my, he was so loving and social at the gathering and everybody loved him and knew him. Then I think of the times he's home and he's so different it's like he prefers to be with that other family. He doesn't like the way my mom is either. When he's home he is so distant from us and is out practically the whole day everyday with the girlfriend. He gets mad/irritated when we talk to him. But no when he's over with her family or just his girlfriend he's a completely different person and my stepdad does the same thing when his with his family.

So I'm left with my mom and her negative attitude, and I don't want to be like her I'm trying to see things I do the same as her and change them but ughhh it's all genetics and habitual behavior that it's practically now natural to act the way she does. I'm just so sad at this whole situation. I love spending time with my mom and love her to death and I'm thankful of everything she's done for us both, but her negative attitude, prohibitions and old fashioned thinking make me have resentment towards her. Then my brother, I have never seen him act so loving with us or any body of our family when they come to visit. Please help me on both situations. Thanks. Oh, by the way I'm 21 and he's 23.

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