True Confession — My Husband Isn't the Father of Our Son

October 22, 2008

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I did a secret DNA test for my son and my husband. Turns out I lied to everyone. I was so sure he wasn't my ex's, but I was wrong. I feel such a strong urge to tell him the truth but it will rip my husband apart. Can I be forgiven for keeping this secret to myself?"

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49 Comments

2 years

It is better to get it out in the open now. My husband found out when he was 50 years old, that his father was not his biological father. His mom knew it all along. What a mess.

3 years

This is a very tough situation. My husband and I are going through an extremely similar circumstance. I was with a man that I did love for 9 months. Although I had always been in love with (my husband) for years. He was in another state and made me believe that we wouldn't see each other again. But he moved back near me. So I broke things off with my boyfriend and rekindled my relationship with my long lost love husband. Although my boyfriend (now ex at this time) still struggled and had a hard time with our break, basically we had one last night together and that was it. While my husband and I were starting a relationship. I felt a little pushed into it faster than I wanted. But overall I became pregnant and assumed it was my husbands because of our intimacy together. As time went on, things came up that made my husband question issues. He did a secret paternity test. Which resulted him asking me questions about before we were together. I was nervous, I really doubted that there was any way my daughter was my ex' so I panicked and lied saying ties were broken once he moved back here. THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO! Not only is my husband (AND I) struggling with the truth but now its even worse because he feels there is no trust, since he needs EVIDENCE to pin me down. We are trying to work on this, but I don't know what the turn out will be. Its only been a week so far and its been a pain. SO THE TRUTH IS BETTER FROM YOU NOW THAN LATER. ITS SO WORSE IF HE FINDS OUT ON HIS OWN! I am so sorry. P.S. Just to top it off, we found out we were pregnant right after the DNA test came back, and now he thinks it is not his. Hows that for fun. Of course its his, but it leaves me in pain and depression when I cannot have those emotions caring for a baby and an unborn baby.

AlohaPinay25 4 years

Omg i need to know what you did? email me because i have a friend who is in the same situation??? millannie25@yahoo.com

calli gurl 4 years

oh my! ofcourse u should tell him. he deserves to know. its gonna be a huge fight if he finds out from somewhere else? did u cheat on ure husband or something? wow. now thats a situation

kesh shugs 4 years

P.S. IF the truth should come out at some point...say after your son needs an emergency heart, lung, kidney, liver or bone marrow transplant, who says u have to tel anybody that u already knew the truth? is that like a rule or something?

kesh shugs 4 years

there's a song by the jamaican artist tanya stephens called 'little white lie' that deals with a situation similar to this. i didnt vote because i dont think there is a simple answer to this dilema...but u need to do what u feel is best for yourself, ur child and your marriage.

sparklestar 4 years

Wait, did you cheat on your husband with your ex? If so then SHAME ON YOU. Your husband and ex deserve to know the truth regardless of what the long term consequences of this are. Your husband needs and deserves to know that he is raising somebody elses child and your ex needs to know he has a child. Good luck with this one~

sparklestar 4 years

Wait, did you cheat on your husband with your ex? If so then SHAME ON YOU.Your husband and ex deserve to know the truth regardless of what the long term consequences of this are. Your husband needs and deserves to know that he is raising somebody elses child and your ex needs to know he has a child.Good luck with this one~

designerel 4 years

Ugh. As painful as it would be, you have to tell, and tell now, while your son is still young. Hopefully your husband loves both of you enough to stick it out.

ilanac13 4 years

i think that i need more information about this one to make a real decision. i don't know what the circumstances were when you were with your ex for you to think that it wasn't his - and that instead it was your husbands. i think that if you were on a break or if you weren't married yet, then there could be reason for me to say you can be forgiven, but i think that if it's not the case and you had an affair, then it's more complicated. my best friend in college had this sort of thing happen. her youngest sister wasn't really a full sister - her mom had an affair and didn't tell her father or her daughter for that matter, and no one knew until the girl was 11 that she wasn't her father's child. it's hard on everyone but i think that in some cases it's really important to know the truth.

ilanac13 4 years

CYL 4 years

yes Jessie...I mentioned that earlier too...something I think in E.Jean? About the woman sleeping with her ex the night before her wedding and her ex being a bad abusive person and getting hair from her husband or something for a DNA test? I wonder if its the same person or many people having infidelity issues.

Marci 4 years

We've had this True Confession before. I'm just amazed at how many women find themselves in this position. Who knew? I don't have any strong advice. Essentially you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. So follow your gut and be prepared for any possible consequences.

Marci 4 years

We've had this True Confession before. I'm just amazed at how many women find themselves in this position. Who knew?I don't have any strong advice. Essentially you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. So follow your gut and be prepared for any possible consequences.

Frank y Ava 4 years

If I were you I'd tell him the truth and deal with the consequences. If I were him, I'd probably not forgive her but I'd still be there for the baby.

Frank y Ava 4 years

If I were you I'd tell him the truth and deal with the consequences.If I were him, I'd probably not forgive her but I'd still be there for the baby.

jessie 4 years

THERE WAS A POST SORTA LIKE THIS ONE ABOUT A MONTH OR SO AGO....anyone remember that one??!!! i can't judge....there is more to the matter then we are seeing....

margokhal 4 years

Your son has a right to know who his biological father is. Your ex needs to know that he has a son. Also, imagine if your son (God forbid) develops a condition, needs a blood transfusion or bone marrow transplant? Being able to contact the closest candidates (his parents) will greatly increase the chance of recovery and survival. What about from an economic standpoint...your ex, though he may not want to be in the child's life, is somewhat legally responsible for his upbringing, as he helped create him. Child support? As much as it may destroy your husband, it would be FAR worse for him to find out at some point later that your son is not his - especially if you already KNEW before he did. Such a revelation later in life would deeply affect your son as well.

margokhal 4 years

Your son has a right to know who his biological father is. Your ex needs to know that he has a son. Also, imagine if your son (God forbid) develops a condition, needs a blood transfusion or bone marrow transplant? Being able to contact the closest candidates (his parents) will greatly increase the chance of recovery and survival.What about from an economic standpoint...your ex, though he may not want to be in the child's life, is somewhat legally responsible for his upbringing, as he helped create him. Child support? As much as it may destroy your husband, it would be FAR worse for him to find out at some point later that your son is not his - especially if you already KNEW before he did. Such a revelation later in life would deeply affect your son as well.

queenlizzie 4 years

I agree that it's selfish to keep this info to yourself. Eventually the husband is going to HAVE to find out one way or another--imagine having to break the news to him 20 years from now and having to explain why you kept it to yourself for so long. The news doesn't change make the husband any less of a dad.

queenlizzie 4 years

I agree that it's selfish to keep this info to yourself. Eventually the husband is going to HAVE to find out one way or another--imagine having to break the news to him 20 years from now and having to explain why you kept it to yourself for so long.The news doesn't change make the husband any less of a dad.

psterling 4 years

This will eat you alive if you don't tell. You just have to trust the love that your husband has for your son and hopefully he'll come around. No doubt he'll be broken and mad and angry, but if you're patient, you two might be able to get out of this stronger than before.

Le Luxe 4 years

OMG. That is awful. Why would you even have a paternity test done?! What the heck good did that even do? Now you have to live with the guilt or hurt a BUNCH of people. Including the ones that love you most.

htt3h2e 4 years

Telling him would be selfish! It will ease your conscience but knowing who your biological is doesn't make him a father.

Deidre 4 years

Whatever decision you make, you have to fully stick with it. If you want to tell, tell NOW so everyone can start figuring how to adjust this information into their lives. If you don't tell, you need to keep this secret for the rest of your life (if your primary concern is to protect your child and husband). Personally, I think you should tell -- your ex has a right to know, and your kid may really need to know something about his paternal medical history later on down the line. I know this is a lttle would-should-coulda, but seriously? Why did you even take the paternity test to begin with if you were so sure your husband was the father?

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